The following is a transcript of the entire Over the Garden Wall miniseries.
Chapter 1: The Old Grist Mill[]
[Into the Unknown plays as the visuals switch from various scenes: a toad playing the opening notes on a swiveling piano; a redheaded girl in a blue dress, petting her dog whilst sitting in the woods with a bird flying by in the background, and the girl—later revealed as Beatrice—looking back toward the bird; a grinning black cat on a turkey-drawn cart full of pumpkins; a circus with four long-legged instrumentalists, a juggling gorilla, and a ballerina dancing atop a galloping horse; a set of varied, wooden dolls; a nobleman—later revealed as Quincy Endicott—holding a candle, looking upon a portrait before being startled by a moving shadow and the wind; an old woman—revealed later to be Adelaide—with the top half of her face cut from the shot, using a pair of embroidery scissors to snip a thread on a quilt; two jovial, sailor-looking boys sitting on the rocks that border a river, one winding up a toy steamboat before setting it on the water; a rear-view of an unknown character—later revealed to be Lorna—setting a candle down on the shelf in an ossuary; a large fish on a wooden boat in a murky river, fishing; an unknown character—later revealed as Greg—picking up a rock from the ground; and a view of a young woman, later known as the Woodsman's Daughter, stood in front of a well with the Woodsman chopping logs in the background, the young woman looking off to the side as it pans toward the forest. It cuts to the title sequence as the song turns more nostalgic, and then moves to brief shots of blurry images, later figured to be Wirt, Gregory, and Greg's frog in the lake, before the story begins.]
Narrator: [after singing] Somewhere, lost in the clouded annals of history, lies a place that few have seen—a mysterious place, called the Unknown—where long forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood...
[The scenery now fades to the forested depths of the Unknown, with Wirt and Greg walking as the latter rambles.]
Greg: ... Antelope, Guggenheim, Albert, Salami, Giggly, Jumpy, Tom, Thomas, Tambourine, Leg-Face McCullen, Artichoke, Penguin, Pete, Steve... But I think the very worst name for this frog is—
Wirt: Wait, wait a second. Uh...Greg?
[Owl hooting]
[Squirrels chittering]
Wirt: Where—are we?
Greg: In the woods?
Wirt: I mean... what are we doing out here?
Greg: We're walking home!
Wirt: [visibly distressed] Greg! I, I think we're lost! We, w-we should've left a trail or something.
Greg: [throwing candy on the ground from his pants] I can leave a trail of candy from my pants!!
Wirt: [sighs] No. though I am lost, my wounded heart resides back home—in pieces—strewn about the graveyard of my lost love. For only—
[Axe chopping in the distance]
Wirt: [gasps] Do you hear that? [starts walking toward the noise]
Greg: [following] Yeah.
[Both brothers peek around a tree.]
Wirt: [quickly, as ax cutting sounds occur off-screen] Do you think it's some kind of deranged lunatic with an axe waiting out there in the darkness for innocent victims? [Greg runs further into the woods; Wirt calls after in a hushed whisper] Greg!
[Squirrels chittering; Wirt makes a frightened sound before following after Greg]
Wirt: [whispering, annoyed] Greg, you're going to get us into trouble again! [gasps as he looks up]
[A stranger, soon known as The Woodsman, is singing incoherently while gathering Edelwood.]
Greg: [whispering] We should ask him for help!
Wirt: [whispering] No, we should not ask him for help.
Greg: But—!
Wirt: Shh!
Greg: You shh!
Wirt: You shh!
Greg: Shhh—!! [Wirt covers Greg's mouth; Greg makes muffled sounds]
[The Woodsman leaves into another area of the forest.]
Wirt: [normal volume] Shoot. Y-You think we should've asked him for help? [Greg shrugs.]
Beatrice, from atop a branch: Hey. Maybe I can help you. I mean, you guys are lost, right?
Wirt: [dumbfounded; gasps, slaps his own face a few times] What, in the world is going on?!
Greg: Well you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and—
Wirt: No, Greg. A - a bird's brain isn't big enough for cognizant speech.
Beatrice: [annoyed] Hey, what was that?
[Greg sticks a piece of candy on a black turtle and smiles as Wirt speaks]
Wirt: I mean, I-I'm just saying, you're, you're weird. Like, not normal. I, I mean— [hushed] Oh my gosh, stop talking to it, Wirt...
Beatrice: [more annoyed] It?
[Greg sticks another piece of candy on Wirt's cape]
Wirt: [stammers, then yells in surprised fear as the Woodsman discovers them]
Woodsman: [angered] What're you doing here?! Explain yourselves!!
Beatrice: [flies away] Aaand I'll see you guys later, bye.
Wirt: [voice cracks; clearly fearful] Calm—calm down, mister! Wh-Whatever you do here is your business! W-W-We just wanna get home with all our legs and arms attached!!
Woodsman: These woods are no place, for children! Don't you know the Beast is afoot here?
Wirt: The Beast? [more stammering] We don't know anything about that! W-We're just two lost kids, trying to get home!
Woodsman: Well, welcome to the Unknown, boys. You're more lost than you realize.
[After Wirt looks to the left, there's a cut to the felled Edelwood's wooden face, leaves breezing through the holes in the bark with an ominous musical sting. Fading to black, the scene changes to a shot of the Grist Mill. We cut inside the living room where the Woodsman, Wirt, and Greg take refuge.]
Woodsman: I found this homestead abandoned, and repurposed its mill for my needs. [uses a piece of flint and some steel to light a fire in the fireplace] You and your brother should be safe here, while I work.
Greg: [setting pieces of candy on the floor while moving backwards] Candy trail, candy trail, can-dy-trail... [keeps chanting]
Wirt: [slightly nervous and suspicious] What, what is your—work, exactly?
Woodsman: Everyone has a torch to burn, [pats the lantern by his side] and this here's mine. I grind the horrid Edelwood trees into oil, to keep this lantern lit. [breaks an Edelwood branch, throws it aside; it clatters under the chaise lounge as he continues] This is my lot in life, this is my burden.
Wirt: [after a small pause, hushed, to Greg] This guy sounds loony. Maybe we should make a break for it, i-if we can. But he must know the woods really well, so we may need to knock him out, first. Except—that might turn out really badly, huh? Yeah, bad, bad plan, eh, forget it, bad plan.
Greg: [normal volume] Okay.
Woodsman: What're you boys whispering about?
Greg: We were talking about runnin' away outta here.
Wirt: Shh!!
Greg: Shh—
Wirt: Shh!
Greg: Shoosh!!
Woodsman: [groans with effort as he stands] Leave, if you wish. But remember: the Beast haunts these woods, [almost melodically] ever singiiiing, his moournful melodyyy... [suddenly more urgent] —in search of lost souls, such as yourselves!
Greg: To help us?
Woodsman: No, not to help you. [turns away] I have work to do in the mill. When I'm finished, I will do what I can to guide you. If you are still here when I return. [Exits the living room into the mill]
Wirt: [pauses; then, thoughtfully] Huh. I guess—we could just leave. But, eh, I don't know...—Greg!
Greg: [not paying attention, he swings a log] What?
Wirt: Do you think there really is a Beast out there? [as he talks, Greg tosses the log aside, walks over to a decorative bird sculpture, and swings it] Or, is, is that guy just messing with us?
Greg: [distractedly] Uh-huh.
Wirt: I mean, he could've done away with us by now, if that was his plan. And he lit that fire, that's—pretty nice. [gesturing to the fireplace, he walks to the chaise lounge]
Greg: Yeah!
Wirt: I guess it's possible there's a Beast, since there was a talking bird, but... [sitting on the chaise lounge]
Greg: [trying to 'hype Wirt up'] Yeah!!
Wirt: [sighs as he lays back] I dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like... [melodramatically, almost trance-like] a boat, upon a winding river... twisting, towards an endless black sea...
[Greg grunts as he swings what looks to be a banjo]
Wirt: [still melodramatic] Further, and further, drifting away... from where I want to be [turns to his side, facing Greg, emphatically gesturing]—who!—I want to be...
Greg: [unaffected, sitting on the floor] Oh, I didn't know that. Did you know, that if you soak a raisin in grape juice, it turns into a grape? [takes a rock out of his satchel, happily] It's a rock fact!
Wirt: [dejected] Augh, you're not helping at all. Why don't you go play with your frog, or something?
Greg: [realization] Aw, beans! Where is that frog o' mine? Hold on there, second-brother o' mine! I'll be back soon for your plan. [throws some more candy into the air before exiting the building while Wirt stares at the ceiling]
[cuts to Greg outside the mill]
Greg: [hums] Kitty!! Kitty?? Now where did that frog named 'Kitty' go? Whup-- [trips on his own candy; still joyful voice] I tripped on my own candy trail!
[Animalistic growling in the distance, towards the darkened forest.]
Greg: Hm? [walks a bit toward the noise with a pause. Then, a ribbit sound comes from the mill; Greg looks back, smiling] That frog's givin' me the run-around. [walks back, throwing candy around carelessly]
[Greg grunts some as he shimmies on top of a barrel just in front of a window on the mill; he peeks inside.]
Greg: Kitty?
[From Greg's view inside the mill, The Woodsman hums indistinctly as he grinds branches of Edelwood into oil, that of which he bottles for use.]
Greg: Gross.
[Ribbit.]
Greg: Kitty??
[More growling from the woods]
Greg: [thoughtful; takes a step toward the noise] Hmm...is that—woah!! [falls into the barrel, on top of his frog] Oh, there you are!! [the frog ribbits]
[Growling continues, growing closer over the course of a few seconds of pause.]
Greg: [concerned, somewhat fearful] Wirt? [pause, silence; eyebrows furrow in confusion] ...Kitty??
[A dog with piercing eyes peeks into the barrel and continues its growling.]
Greg: [scared] You have beautiful eyes!!
[screeching sounds as the dog unhinges its jaw, then hard cut to inside the grist mill's living room, where Wirt plays with a bolero toy, frustrated that he can't solve it.]
Wirt: Yeugh... [creaking and the sound of wood breaking from outside startle him; wariness shows in his voice] Greg? [pause] Uh...?
[A clattering sound from the next room; harried footsteps, and the Woodsman enters.]
Woodsman: [urgent] What's happening? Where's your brother?
Wirt: [shrugging, makes the 'I dunno' sound:] Ah-enuh!
Greg: [dazed, stumbling into the mill with barrel pieces on him] Oh holy moley, hot dog—!! [Greg is knocked back to a flight of stairs by the dog's entrance]
Wirt: [startled] It's the Beast!!
Woodsman: Stay back, boys! [Greg, wielding a piece of wood, starts down the steps as the Woodsman speaks] This creature, which is known as—[Greg knocks the hat off the Woodsman's head]—huh?? [The Woodsman stumbles, steps and breaks the ceramic bird sculpture on the floor, and falls unconscious on a log.]
Wirt: [disbelief in his voice] GREG, WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!
Greg: That was the plan, remember? Knock him out!
Wirt: Eh—no! Ah, bad plan!! [the dog stalks toward Wirt, who uses the fireplace gate as a shield] I told you to forget that plan!!! [cowers] Ahhhhh!!!
Greg: [spanks the dog with the handle of the Woodsman's axe] Spank, spank... spank!!
Wirt: [runs to the mill portion of the building while the dog's distracted, voice frantic] Run run run run run run run!!!!
Greg: Caaaandyyy, camouflage! [throws candy in the air, grabs his frog, and follows Wirt] Run run run run run run run!
[The oil-covered dog follows, breaking through the mill door, and gets stuck under a gear while pursuing Wirt.]
Wirt: [climbing the stairs, yelling] Greg!
Greg: [comes into the frame] This is amazing, huh??
[The dog comes free; Wirt spots a sack of potatoes nearby, and throws a few at the dog before tossing the entire sack at it.]
Greg: Am I supposed to throw something? [the dog makes a loud, screech-yell-like noise] Oh yeah! [throws candy from his pants] Haha!
[The dog eats the sweets.]
Wirt: [slight surprise] He's eating your candy?
Greg: I wonder if he ate my whole candy trail that lead to this mill!
Wirt: [angry realization] Augh! [smacks Greg's teapot hat] Greg!! You lead the Beast right to us with your candy!
[The dog flips over the platform Wirt and Greg stood on; the toppled platform separates Wirt and Greg from the dog]
Wirt and Greg: [dazed, sitting up] Euh...
Wirt: [realization] Hey, [takes the axe] gimme the axe; you're too little to have it anyway, I— [cuts quickly to the dog scratching at the wooden platform; back to Wirt, who's distressed and stammering] —we gotta, we gotta get outta here!
[Greg pats Wirt's elbow and points toward a ladder, which the brothers use to reach the roof of the mill; the dog bursts through the roof in pursuit.]
Wirt: [scared yell as he backs away] Uhh, G-Greg, eh, g-give him the rest of your candy!!
Greg: [searches his pants, but no candy remains; he spots the piece he put on Wirt's cape earlier, and throws it off the roof to the waterwheel] Whoops!
[The dog jumps off after it, and spits out a black turtle from the force of the waterwheel on its body; the whole mill falls apart, and Wirt and Greg fall into the river nearby. Wirt surfaces, and reaches land with the ax in hand. He watches the regurgitated turtle walk away with the candy still stuck to its shell.]
Greg: [offscreen] Hey Wirt, look!
Wirt: [looking around] Greg?
Greg: Wirt! [cuts to Greg and his frog atop the dog, who is now tame] He spit out that turtle, and now he's my new best friend!! [the dog shakes the water, Greg, and Greg's frog, off itself] Ouhh—oh... Hey, where ya goin'??
[The dog ambles off.]
Greg: [play-wistful] Ain't that just the way...
Woodsman: [anguished] The mill is destroyed...the oil! All gone!!
Wirt: —But, b-but look! We, w-we got the Beast problem solved. [points to the dog, who now lays asleep on the grass]
Woodsman: [furious] That dog?! That is NOT the Beast!! [takes his axe from Wirt, who's distraught and puts his hands to his gaping mouth silently] The Beast cannot be mollified like some farmer's pet!!!
Woodsman: He stalks, like the night— [swings his axe through a nearby rock] —he sings like the Four Winds— [wind howling] —he is the Death of Hope!! He steals their children, and, he'll... ruin... [mumbles]
Wirt: [hushed, angered; knocks Greg's teapot hat] You're always messing up, Greg.
Woodsman: Boy! You have it backwards! You are the elder child! You are responsible for you, and your brother's actions!!
Wirt: Ah, Ahm, I-I'm sorry. Maybe I can—fix it? [to himself] I—I can't fix it.
Woodsman: [forlornly, shakes his head] You must go. [points across the river] Take your brother north. Look for a town!
Wirt: Yeah. Thanks. [leads Greg by the hand north] Come on, Greg.
[As they hop over the stones across the river, the Woodsman gives a final warning:]
Woodsman: One last thing. Beware, the Unknown! Fear the Beast! And leave these woods!! [quieter] If you can. [louder again] It is your burden to bear!
Wirt: Right, yeah—ah—got it.
Woodsman: [more gentle] And you, little one. You look after that frog; give it a proper name.
Greg: [the frog ribbits] Okay. [gives an OK hand sign]
[Wirt and Greg cross the river and the scene pans up, then transitions to the brothers walking through the moonlit forest as a more lighthearted string melody backs them.]
Greg: Wirt, I think I thought of a new name for our frog. I'm gonna call him, 'Wirt.'
Wirt: That's—gonna be really confusing.
Greg: No, I'm gonna call you 'Kitty.'
Wirt: What? [playful] Maybe I'll start calling you 'Candy Pants.'
Greg: [ecstatic] Woah, yeah!! ['Wirt' ribbits] Good one, Wirt.
Wirt: Thanks.
Greg: I'm not talkin' to you. I'm talkin' to Wirt!
[As the scene fades to black, the musical backing ends on an uneasy, sour tone...]
Chapter 2: Hard Times at the Huskin' Bee[]
[Text reading 'Cartoon Network Presents' appears, backed by a swelling, nostalgic string arrangement, the theme of the show: Over the Garden Wall's title card fades in, which then fades to the title card for Chapter 2: Hard Times at the Huskin' Bee. Its icon is a pumpkin with dot eyes and teeth smiling from a bed of vines. As the card fades to black, a train horn is distantly heard.
Another, more pastoral string theme plays as the scene fades in to the wind blowing through a branch of yellow leaves. One browner leaf gets swept away, and the wind carries it through a whole forest of rounded, yellow trees in the morning mist. The next shot cuts to the morning sky as a flock of geese, flying in a V formation, sound their honks distantly. Our third shot is close to the ground; a cricket lay on a yellowed leaf speckled with morning dew. The cricket sounds its song and hops to the left. For the fourth shot, the camera is in a thicket, watching three turkeys bob, yelp, purr and cluck, and travel across the screen from afar. One turkey stops to peck at the ground.
Then finally, in the thick of the woods come Wirt, Greg, and Greg's frog. All three of them come into view through the mist, and Greg is blowing raspberries by pushing both of his cheeks with his pointer fingers while Wirt looks anywhere but at Greg. Greg's frog rests on Greg's teapot hat, looking down at him.]
Wirt: [worried] It's almost morning. We should've found a town by now. [looks to Greg] This—is the way the Woodsman told us to go, right?
Greg: [pauses raspberries] Have you listened to anything I've been saying? For the last couple of hours I've been saying— [continues raspberries three times]
Wirt: Well, that settles it—[Greg stops, and Wirt walks ahead out of frame]—I'm gonna walk up ten feet ahead of you.
Beatrice, offscreen: Help!
Greg: [turns] Huh? [looks offscreen opposite Wirt's walking]
Beatrice, offscreen: I'm stuck!
Greg: [urgent] I hear something!
Wirt: [distracted, approaching a sign] It's probably nothing. Hey, look. [squats at the sign; it says,] Pottsfield, one mile. [excited] A town! Let's go this way!
Greg: [unaffected] Alright. Let's go this way. [goes the opposite direction]
Wirt: [annoyed] Not— [groans quietly]
[Greg, continuing ahead, approaches a bush.]
Greg: Hello? [turns] Hello?
Beatrice, offscreen: [rustling in the bush; urgently, in a low voice] Hey, you!
Greg: [at normal volume] Who, me?
Beatrice, from within the bush: Yeah, you!
Greg: [approaches the bush and peeks inside to see Beatrice tangled in vines, struggling] Oh, hello!
Beatrice: [gasps] It's you again. I'm stuck. Help me out of here and I'll owe you a favor!
Greg: [excited] Woah, I get a wish?
Beatrice: [quickly] No-no-no, not a wish. I'm not magical. I'll just do you a good turn.
Greg: Can you turn me into a tiger?
Beatrice: [annoyed] Uh, no—I just said I'm not magical.
Greg: It doesn't have to be a magical tiger.
[Wirt approaches and it cuts to both him and Greg, outside the bush.]
Wirt: Greg, stop talking to a bush.
Greg: Okay. [he proceeds to free Beatrice from the bush one-handed, who flies above them.]
Wirt: [confused] Huh?
Beatrice: Thanks! I owe you a favor, so, um— [the camera shows Wirt's surprised expression for a moment; then with a quick tone:] —you two are lost kids with no purpose in life, right?
Greg: Uh-huh.
[Wirt silently gives an annoyed, hurt expression.]
Beatrice: [with a flourish, like she's telling a story] How about I bring you to Adelaide of the Pasture, the Good Woman of the Woods? [Wirt's surprised face is shown] She can help you get home!
Greg: [enchanted] Oooh!
Wirt: [shaking his hands] No, no. No, no. No-no-no-no-no. [incredulous, gesturing about] Magic, talking birds, leading us to fairy godmothers, in a mysterious— [his eyes move around a bit before he says, mentally drained:] —I'm going to Pottsfield.
[Wirt turns to leave for Pottsfield. Greg looks to Beatrice before following.]
Greg: [jovial] Yeah! We're going to Pottsfield! [waves Beatrice over] Come on!
Beatrice: [impatient] What about the favor?
Greg: I'll think of my wish later.
Beatrice: Ugh...
[Beatrice follows them to Pottsfield. The scene cuts to all four of them—Wirt, Greg, Greg's frog who's under Greg's arm, and Beatrice—walking on a worn trail through what appears to be a pumpkin patch. Morning mist still wafts through the scene. The camera focuses on Greg, his frog, and Beatrice.]
Greg: [to Beatrice] So, let's small talk. My name's Greg. What's yours?
Beatrice: [impatient] Beatrice.
Greg: My brother's name is Wirt—
Beatrice: Who cares?
[Cut momentarily to Wirt, who looks annoyed, but says nothing.]
Greg: [rubbing his frog's face] —and, my frog's name is Wirt Jr., but that may change.
Beatrice: [dismissive] Okay, that's great. [conspiring whisper] How about you and I ditch your brother?
Greg: [grimacing] Mmm, maybe later. [changes the subject] So is it nice being a bird?
Beatrice: [blunt] Nope.
Greg: Oh. [pauses, making a face as he thinks of something to say] —Do you like waffles?
Beatrice: No, waffles make me sick. I eat—[hesitates]—..mmmaggots...
Greg: [screams]
Beatrice: [flying flip, distressed] What?
Greg: [incredulous] How can you not eat waffles?!
[Squashing sound.]
Greg: [louder scream]
Beatrice: [another flying flip, more distressed] What?!
Greg: [same tone] I stepped on a pumpkin!!
Wirt, offscreen: A-ha!
[Wirt stands with his arms up, triumphant, facing their view of the path leading straight to a rural farming village.]
Wirt: [relieved] Civilization! See? Now— [squashing sound] —huh? What the?
[It is revealed Wirt also stepped on a pumpkin. He shakes his leg back and forth with a couple sounds of effort and the pumpkin falls away to hit the ground, breaking apart with a squelching crash. Wirt turns back to the town, hands on his hips.]
Wirt: Alright. Let's rejoin society.
[The group approach the town, Greg's foot still stuck in a pumpkin, walking through the dirt-trodden road as the same pastoral string theme from the opening shots plays, but an uncertain note ends the first melody. Wirt leading the group, he walks down an alley between a house and a log cabin.]
Wirt: [uncertain] Hello? [looks around] Hellooo? — Hrm. See anybody?
Greg: [looking around] Nooooo—oh! [looks to Wirt] I see you.
Wirt: [looks to Greg, still worried] Yeah, I—see you too, Greg.
Beatrice: [impatient, annoyed and hurried] Hey, not to be obnoxious, but an abandoned ghost town doesn't seem like it's gonna be that useful getting you guys home.
[Wirt gives a silent, indignant look to Beatrice, then clears his throat and walks stage left off-screen to another house, which we cut to.]
Wirt: There's gotta be somebody. [approaches the front door, left ajar] Somewhere.
Wirt: [knocks three times] Excuse me. Anyone here? [he slowly pulls the door open and it creaks] Hello?
[Inside the house is a sitting area. On the gingham-clothed table is a turkey with its head down. The turkey lifts its head with a fleshy noise.]
Wirt: [awkwardly] Oh. — Sorry. Uh — I'm — looking for a ph—um. [the turkey blinks and Wirt's voice gets more awkward] Um, I'm sorry! [nervous laughter]
[Wirt leaves the door ajar and the turkey, once he's gone, drops its head back on the table. Returning to the alley, Beatrice is on the hay pile behind the log cabin, and next to that hay pile is Greg's frog.]
Beatrice: Did you find anything?
Wirt: Nope. Where's Greg?
[Suddenly, Greg pops out of the hay pile.]
Greg: Do you hear that?
Wirt: Huh?
[A vocal chanting melody, Pottsfield CM, starts up in the background from a barn down the road. The brothers gasp to each other, and the group all approach the barn with a couple more 'huh?'s.
The song kicks up with the first verse once they look inside the barn: most of the area is filled with straw, but the whole town, what looks like pumpkin-dressed, straw-armed, straw-clothed people, are celebrating. A group of the pumpkin people are dancing around a maypole with a giant pumpkin head up top in shadow. Another shot shows three other pumpkin folk shucking maize with a basket to put them. Two more pumpkin villagers peel apples from a huge pile with paring knives. In the next shot, two pumpkin people - one with a straw nest hat with eggs inside - dance in a circle with a black cat standing on its hind legs and meowing happily. Once more, one pumpkin person watches another bob for apples, but they come up with an apple in one of their eye holes before it falls out with a popping noise.
It cuts back to the group as just one more pumpkin villager approaches from behind.]
Wirt: [taken aback] What the—?
[The villager, named Pilgrim Pumpkin for his pilgrim hat in this wiki transcription for convenience, lightly shoves his way through the group to enter the barn. Of note is all the villagers speak muffled from behind their vegetable costumes.]
Pilgrim Pumpkin: Oho, pardon me there. [turns back to the group] Say, you folks ought to don your vegetables and celebrate the harvest with us.
Wirt: [confused] Uh... [realization] Oh! [relieved chuckling] You're wearing costumes!
Pilgrim Pumpkin: Well, sure. Pumpkins can't move on their own! Can they? [ominous hollow noise as he moves away]
Wirt: [rubbing his neck] Ha. No. Yeah, no.
Greg: Good thing I didn't take this off! [shakes his foot with the pumpkin stuck on it]
Beatrice, sitting on Greg's teapot hat: [wary] You guys find this place as creepy as I do, right?
Wirt: [hesitant, shrugging] So, it's some kind of weird cult, where they wear vegetable costumes, and dance around a big thing. [unsure] They seem nice enough.
Beatrice: Okay. You're in denial. That's fine. [suspicious] But I'm just saying... Something feels off about this place.
[The camera cuts to one pumpkin person carving a jack-o'-lantern with a similar face carved into it as the pumpkin on their own head. There's a creaking sound as their head turns to the camera before it comes back to Wirt and the group.]
Wirt: Well, maybe I can find someone here, [shrugs] who'll give us a ride home. Greg, you stay out of trouble. Beatrice, thank you, but you can leave. [waves her off]
Beatrice: [irritated sigh] I can't leave. I'm honor-bound to help you since you guys helped me. That's the—bluebird rules.
Wirt: Ah, okay. [walks off-screen]
Greg: [fake-posh voice] Beatrice, would you care for this dance?
[Greg approaches the 'dance-floor.']
Beatrice: No thanks. [more hurried] No thanks—no thanks!—I said no thank you!
[The camera cuts to the top of the maypole where the large pumpkin head looking thing shifts in the shadow with the sound of an ominous breeze to couple it. Then, the camera goes to Wirt, who approaches and pretends to not pay attention to a pumpkin villager who, in this transcription, will be named Ponytails Villager, on account of their ponytails. While he looks away, Ponytails Villager looks at him.]
Ponytails Villager: Say, aren't you a little too—early?
Wirt: What do you mean?
Ponytails Villager: [tilts head] I mean, it doesn't seem like you're ready to join us just yet.
Wirt: [suspicious confusion] Join you? — Yeah, no, I'm just — passing through.
[The camera closes in, turning, on Ponytails Villager.]
Ponytails Villager: Folks don't tend to "pass through" Pottsfield.
Wirt: [unnerved but trying to hide it] Oh. [strained smile] Yeah?
Ponytails Villager: Yeah. It's nice here.
Wirt: Um. I'm really just looking t-to leave here, [pulls on cape collar] as fast as possible.
[The camera pans stage right to an older-looking pumpkin person holding a cornucopia shell up to their 'ear'. For this transcription, they will be named Gramps Villager.]
Gramps Villager: Eh, what, what? Leave Pottsfield? Who wants to leave Pottsfield?!
[The backing music stops as the pumpkin-dressed villagers turn to the noise.]
Villagers: [hushed whispering] Huh? — What? — He wants to leave Pottsfield.
Greg: [oblivious] Oh, are we leaving already?
Beatrice, flying: [distressed] Let's leave immediately!
[Raspy breathing as a villager closes the barn doors. More suspicious whispering by the other villagers.]
Wirt, backing away: I'm — just trying to get home.
Villager: [suspicious] They're not supposed to be here. Maybe he's here to steal our crops. To ruin our party.
Greg, joining Wirt: [happy] Or take off our pumpkin shoes!
Wirt: [nervous chuckle] Uh — no, I, uh —
[There's a deep chuckle from above, and Wirt's nervous smile falls as he looks up in shock. The maypole and its pumpkin head, Enoch, starts talking, and lowers his pumpkin face to look at the group as he talks.]
Enoch: [friendly] Well, now, hold on everybody. Heh, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Greg: [surprised] Woah.
Gramps Villager: Enoch, what shall we do with them?
Beatrice, taking off: I-I'm done.
Enoch: [sharp inhale, still friendly] Well, now, [detaches some hay strands to gesture like hands] let's see here, boys. How'd you end up in this little town of ours?
[Wirt backs up a few more paces despite them being completely surrounded.]
Wirt: [haltingly] Well, we were trying to get home. We came into town from the woods. Ehh, we saw your farms, and your houses, and thought, "hey, here's a normal place with normal people."
Greg: [cutting in happily] And we both stepped on pumpkins!
Wirt: Y-Yeah! A-And then, we heard the music from the barn, and, well—uh—h-how about we just leave?
Enoch: [chuckle, his friendliness becomes passive-aggressive] Heh, now let me get this straight: you come to our town, you trample our crops—you interrupt our private engagement—and now you wanna leave?
Wirt: Uh—yes.
Greg: You'll never convict! [stomps his pumpkin foot] You have no proof!
[Gramps Villager brings a struggling Beatrice forward.]
Gramps Villager: This one's trying to escape.
Beatrice: [protesting] Let me go! I don't know these clowns!
Enoch: Children... it saddens me that you don't wish to stay here with us, [menacing, hay tendrils moving ominously] particularly because I simply have to punish you for your transgressions.
Beatrice: I told you this place was bad news!
Enoch: [singsong voice] So by~ the order of the Pottsfield Chamber of Commerce, [deeper voice] I find you guilty of trespassing, destruction of property, [lurches to face-level with the group] disturbing the peace, [leans closer, ominous] and murder.
Wirt: [incredulous] M-Murder?!
Enoch: [leans back, lighthearted] Oho, no, not murder. But for those other crimes, I sentence you to... a few hours of manual labor.
Wirt: Wait, what? Really? That's it?
[Cut to a montage set to a shortened version of Patient is the Night.
For the first shot, we see the main group all have a ball-and-chain for their manual labor (save for Greg's Frog). Beatrice is trying to drag herself away from hers to be free, while Greg happily balances his frog on a rake. Wirt, with gloves, gathers straw into small piles with a pitchfork, and Beatrice looks over in annoyance.
The second shot, the sky starts to get a little cloudy as Greg carries his frog over by a garden shed in the middle of the pumpkin patch. Wirt follows, then approaches one of the pumpkins with a pair of gardening shears, gloveless. He snips the pumpkin free by the stem and picks it up, before we cut suddenly to a clearing in a field of corn. There sits a turkey-drawn cart full of pumpkins, Greg's frog hanging over one side, arms dangling, and Beatrice laying on her back, wings splayed, seemingly giving up on breaking free for the moment. As Wirt leans an arm against one of the two turkeys attached to the cart, Gregory approaches the back with a pumpkin to load into the cart. Wirt wipes some sweat off his brow. Then, one of the turkeys swipes his hat, causing him to try and diver for it repeatedly while the turkeys gaggle, the thief of his hat wearing it proudly. Greg and Beatrice look, but Beatrice looks back with suspicion as a group of villagers pop their heads ominously over the stalks of corn to spy on their work.
In the next shot, the four are working in the corn field proper now, picking ears of corn to set in baskets. Greg's Frog sits and looks back with worry for some reason. Beatrice watches, as well. Wirt, picking an ear, almost goes to bite it, but spots a villager spying on him only a few feet away and decides to set it in his basket instead. Greg happily pulls down a stalk to pluck each corn ear off of it, tossing it in his basket with his frog happily watching, and then finally letting the stalk fly back up to hit Wirt in the face and knock him over. Wirt lands on the ground next to Beatrice, who gives him a disapproving look—he returns the look in kind.
The short montage closes out with the sky at its cloudiest, casting shadow on a villager wearing a scarf and holding a white flag in the outskirts of the patch. Wind blows through both the flag and the scarf ominously as the song ends.
After the song, the boys are seen in an empty stretch of barren land bordering the fields. They're digging deep ditches with Greg's frog by Greg, and Beatrice by Wirt.]
Wirt: [grunts as he digs, relieved] Ha-ha! [to Beatrice] Just a few hours of manual labor, [wipes his forehead] and we're almost done.
Beatrice: And then what are you going to do? — Just wander around, this way and that way, through the woods, forever more?
Wirt: Uhh—uhh, maybe we'll just stay in Pottsfield. It's nice here! [unsure chuckle, sigh] I don't know. [more defensive] I don't know.
Beatrice: [suspicious] Why do they even have you digging these holes?
Wirt: [unsure] Plantin' seeds, or—something...
Beatrice: [gasp, fake delight] Maybe they're gonna bury you out there!
[Wirt blows a disbelieving raspberry.]
Greg: [excited] Hey! Buried treasure!
Wirt: Woah, really? [smug] See, Beatrice? [to Greg] What'd you find?
Greg, crawling out of his ditch: [excited] A skeleton!
[Background music becomes an eerie carnival organ. Wirt exclaims in surprise, Beatrice looks amusedly.]
Wirt: [shocked realization] We're digging our own— [gasps; to Beatrice, anxious] I-I-I was wrong. I was wrong all along. I-I don't know how to get us home—u-use your little feet to pick our locks!
Beatrice: [smug] Oho! Now you want my help?
Wirt: [annoyed] I don't want your help, but—
[The music turns to a funeral jazz march, like that performed in New Orleans, with a trumpet, snare drum. Wirt looks up to see a procession past the field with four white flags, Enoch manning the parade tied up to the frontmost flags.]
Wirt: [desperate] Yes! I want your help! Beatrice, serious—
Gramps Villager, offscreen: Your time is up!
[Suddenly, every villager is here looking down at the boys. Wirt yells in surprise! The funeral march music continues, revealing Enoch as he looks down at them all.]
Gramps Villager: Them holes been dug?
Wirt: [nervous] Uh... yeah...
Gramps Villager: Splendid! Well then—
Wirt: [panicking] B-But, no.
Gramps Villager: [ominous] No?
Wirt: Uh...
Beatrice, offscreen: Psst!
[Wirt looks down. Beatrice is using a tiny, bird-sized shovel to bang against her ball-and-chain with her beak.]
Beatrice: [hushed] Keep stalling!
Wirt: [nervous but trying to hide it, gesturing] Right. Yeah! Uh, you know, we were digging, and—there were too many rocks. You guys don't like rocks—right?
[Villagers murmur over one another.]
Ponytails Villager: [hushed] I don't think we do...
Gramps Villager: No, we don't like rocks.
Ponytails Villager: [hushed] I don't think so...
[Beatrice, freed from her ball-and-chain, hurries over to Greg's ditch to free him.]
Wirt: [grimace-smile] See? [distractedly looking at Greg] So, we were like, "We should get rid of these rocks."
[More Villager commentary.]
Pilgrim Villager, nodding: [hushed] Well, that's a good idea.
[As Wirt talks, Beatrice frees Greg, and they, along with Greg's Frog, run away.]
Wirt: Right? [nervous chuckle] Yeah, so, we were getting rid of the rocks, and— [notices Beatrice and Greg running] —huh? Huh? [under his breath] What? [shocked] They left me...
Pilgrim Villager: —So, what happened to the rocks?
Wirt: [hesitating] Uh... the rocks.
[As Wirt flounders in his lie, a skeleton climbs out of the ditch Greg dug with two femurs in each hand.]
Wirt: Yeah, they—they were, um, you know—they—they—they got in the way of all the—well, the dirt, you know, and... [eyes widen, he turns back to see the skeleton bonking the femurs against its skull rhythmically; frightened] W-Woahh, ohohh?!
[The background music turns to a happy tune. Wirt stares dumbfounded at the skeleton, while the villagers greet the skeleton warmly and crowd around it.]
Gramps Villager: [happy] Welcome back, Larry!
Ponytails Villager: [relieved] He looks exactly the same!
Wirt: [under his breath] What in the...?
[The skeleton makes a show of putting a jack-o'-lantern over its skull, then jumps into a gourd for the torso and sticks its limbs out.]
Larry: Whooooooop—woo! [grunts as he dons the gourds]
Villagers, cheering: Yeah, Larry! Woo! Yeah, go, Larry, look at that guy go!
[Another skeleton climbs out of the ditch Wirt dug while he's still inside.]
Wirt, moving out of the way: [screams in fear and surprise]
[The skeleton approaches a villager, who offers a jack-o'-lantern.]
Villager: [happily] Edward, this one's for you!
Wirt: [to himself, realization] They're all... skeletons!
[A deep-voiced pumpkin villager with braids, named Braids Villager in this particular transcription, addresses Wirt.]
Braids Villager: [lighthearted] Thanks for diggin' up the life of the party!
[The villagers dance and frolic below Enoch, who sways happily.]
Enoch: Ah, what a wonderful harvest... [rumbling as he turns to address Wirt, deeper-voiced] And what about you? You sure you wanna leave?
Wirt, halfway out the ditch, lying in the dirt: Me? [hasty] Yes.
Enoch: [resigned] Oh, well. [turns away] You'll join us someday...
Wirt: Uh...
Beatrice, on the ground by the crops: Psst! [annoyed whispering] Why are you still here?!
Wirt: [defensive whispering] What do you mean?! You guys left me!
[Beatrice gestures a wing to point at her ankle. Wirt looks at his own ankle, and it's revealed the ball-and-chain was broken off of him this whole time.]
Wirt: [small voice] Oh.
Beatrice, backing away: Come on!
[Cut to the woods, where Greg and Greg's Frog are sitting on the ground moving their arms in sync up and down while Greg hums happily. Beatrice sits on Greg's teapot hat and looks back to where Wirt is hurriedly running into view.]
Wirt, hunched over and out of breath: Oh—a-are they chasing us?
Greg and Beatrice: Nope.
Wirt: [sigh of relief; then defensively] I-I thought you guys—
Beatrice: [knowing look] You're welcome.
Wirt: [pause] Thank you. — I guess we're even now, huh? [crosses arms] You're not honor-bound to help us out anymore.
Beatrice: [sighs] I wish. But you weren't actually in any danger with those weirdos.
Wirt: [happy realization] Ohhh yeah! Then, you still have to help us get home!
Greg, after thinking for a moment: [triumphant] I got it! [stands, holds up his frog] I wish Wirt Jr. had fingernails so he could play the guitar better.
[Crickets.]
Beatrice: Soooo—yeah, I'll bring you to Adelaide. I mean, that's where I'm going anyway.
Greg: Why are you going to Adelaide's?
[The group start off deeper into the forest; a similar pastoral theme to the beginning of the episode plays in the background.]
Beatrice: [wistful] I guess in some ways, I'm trying to get home, too.
Wirt: That's vague. What does that mean?
Beatrice: [dismissive] I don't have to tell you anything.
Wirt: Well, I sure hope Adelaide is more helpful than that Woodsman was.
[As they disappear into the forest, the scene changes to a field with a cluttered wooden rail fence. A brown leaf, blown by the wind, sways round and round toward the background.]
Wirt: [voiceover] I think his directions were... not very good.
[The leaf gets stuck between a vertical and a horizontal piece of wood intersecting on the fence, and the pastoral theme playing in the background has an ominous noise end the tune, and the episode.]
Chapter 3 Schooltown Follies[]
- [Mysterious classical piano plays, Birds are chirping]
- Greg Sings: Don't know who she is Or how she is, or when, what, why she is But as for where she is She is where we will go To Adelaide! To Adelaide! Come on, and join the Adelaide parade
- Both Wirt and Beatrice: No.
- Greg continues singing: Adelaide! To Adelaide! Let's go to Adelaide's house
- [ Sour note plays ]
- Greg: I need to fix that last part, but that's the idea. So, Beatrice, you sing the high part. Wirt, you sing the really high part.
- Wirt: What? Oh.
- Greg: And --
- Beatrice: Nobody is singing anything anymore. And, Wirt, keep moving.
- [Wirt stops to tie his shoes.]
- Wirt: But I-I have to -- Ugh. All right.
- Greg: But we have to do something fun.
- Beatrice: You know, we really don't. We can just keep walking silently, you know? And -- Ugh. Wirt, let's go. Come on.
- Wirt: Sorry, sorry.
- Greg: But shouldn't we --
- Beatrice: Greg, don't you want to be more like your brother -- just always doing what you're told...
- [Wirt smirks smugly to himself at first, then realizes Beatrice is insulting him.]
- Wirt: Huh?
- Beatrice: ...Just a pathetic pushover who relies on others to make all his decisions?
- Wirt: Hey! What? I'm not a pushover.
- Beatrice: Hold on, Wirt. Let me get to my point.
- Wirt: (Scoffs) Fine.
- Beatrice: See, Greg? No willpower whatsoever.
- Wirt: Hrmph!
- Beatrice: You need to be more like that.
- Greg: But that doesn't really sound that fun.
- Beatrice: The world is a miserable place, Greg. Life isn't fun.
- Greg: (Breathes deeply) Then I'll do what I need to do, I guess.
- Beatrice: Thank you. We'll just focus on getting you guys to Adelaide's so I can wash my hands of this whole affair, and if you could pick up the pace a bit, that'd be great, okay? Okay? Hey, where's Greg?
- Wirt: Oh. Uh, wandered off, I guess.
- Beatrice: Cheese and crackers!
- Greg: We need to do our part to make the world a better place!
- Frog: [Croaks]
- Greg: (Laughs) Yeah.
- [Bell Tolls]
- Greg: Huh? Whoa!
- [Greg run towards the sound of the bell and happens upon a schoolhouse.]
- [Mid-tempo ragtime music plays]
- Greg: School?! (Scoffs) Not today.
- Wirt: Greg! Greg! Greg?
- Miss Langtree: Excuse me?
- Miss Langtree: Please, take your seat, children. You're late. You know the rules -- "Once the bell has run, class has begun."
- Beatrice: Oh, sorry, everybody. Sorry. No, he doesn't have a brain. He can't learn anything. Let's go, wirt. Come on. (Whistles) Here, boy.
- Wirt: What? Did you say something? I can't hear you because I'm too busy doing what I'm told.
- Beatrice: What? What are you -- (Sighs) no, no. Let's go.
- Wirt: Oh, no. See, I'm a pushover, remember? I have to do what she tells me to do.
- Beatrice: Ohh. Wirt, your brother could be in trouble somewhere.
- [Greg knocks on the window Greg waves at the two: he hums hello. While humming his disapproval, Greg points to the rest of the class]
- Frog: (Croaks)
- Greg: (Gasps) Ha-Ha! Yeah!
- [Greg runs off somewhere with his frog.]
- Beatrice: (Sighs) Bluebirds have a short life span. You two are literally killing me every moment I'm forced to spend with you.
- Wirt: Oh.
- Miss Langtree: Young man, I will not stand for such nonsense in my classroom. I got enough nonsense from that no good, two-timing, low-down handsome man of mine. Oh, Jimmy Brown, why did you have to leave me so? And now, with my father threatening to close the school and that wild gorilla on the loose, why, Jimmy, I just have one thing to say...
- [Upbeat Country Western music plays]
- Miss Langtree starts to sing: "A" is for the apple that he gave to me,
- But I found a worm inside.
- "B" is for beloved that I call to him before he-
- Beatrice: (Talking over her singing) Oof. That lady's got some baggage.
- Miss Langtree: What's that? Young man, go to the dunce box.
- Wirt: Oh. Sure, Okay.
- Beatrice: No, No.
- Wirt: Sure.
- Wirt gets up from his seat and proceeds to put himself into the dunce box.
- Beatrice: No, No.
- [Wirt hums happily]
- Beatrice: Aw.
- Miss Langtree: Now, where were we? Oh, yes.
- "G" is for the gentlemen I thought he was
- When he first said hi,
- [The song fades into the background as we cut to Greg outside the school, talking to other animals.]
- Greg: So, my theory is hot dogs are not actually dogs, regardless of what they teach you in school. But you guys don't go to school, huh? I'm gonna stick with you guys.
- [Water sloshes ]
- Greg: Ha-ha! Hey, I got an idea. Let's play "Two old cat." do you guys know how to play "Two old cat"? It's fun. I'll show you. Here we go. Here's one old cat.
- Greg brings up an old looking cat. [Meows]
- The deer in the crowd picks up another, much older cat. It dons a beard and spectacles, and hold a cane. [Meows weakly]
- Greg: You found another one! Wait. No. I think that cat is too old.
- Very Old Cat: Rowr.
- Greg: Sorry, kitty. We'll have to find another old cat. Hey, jeffrey, I think there's one behind you!
- [A dark figure ambles behind a bush nearby.]
- [Raspy breathing]
- [Greg approaches the figure, and a gorilla jumps out from the brush.]
- [ ROARS ]
- Greg: GORILLA! RUN!
- Gorilla: [Growls quizzically]
- Miss Langtree, now on the floor and in lament, continues singing: And “Y”, yes “Y”,
- Is the question that’s on my mind.
- Oh why,
- Beatrice: Hey, dunce. This is dreadful!
- Wirt: Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
- Beatrice: (Groans)
- [The bell tolls]
- Miss Langtree: I remember like -- huh?
- Greg: (Gasps) GORILLA!
- Gorilla: (Babbles)
- Miss Langtree: Mealtime already? Well, come along children.
- [Hot Jazz plays]
- Gorilla: (Grunts)
- [Greg and the animals he's with are ALL PANTING , trying to run from the gorilla]
- Gorilla: (Roars)
- [The Opossum hangs in the tree swinging a stick around, trying to stop the gorilla. GRUNTING The Opossum SPITS into his hands, preparing for a big swing]
- Gorilla: Huh?
- [The Opossum successfully lands a hit.]
- Gorilla: Aah!
- Greg salutes the Opossum: Mm-Hmm.
- [Slow jazzy piano plays]
- Miss Langtree: We don't want to be late for mealtime. My father will be visiting today, and we'll need to be on our best behavior.
- [Hot Jazz plays]
- Greg: QUICK! IN HERE! (Pants) Oh, boy! Mealtime! This is way better than being chased by a gorilla.
- Opossum: [Sniffs, munches, and groans]
- Greg: Aw, what's the matter? Mm. Kind of bland.
- Other animal students: [Snort and sigh]
- Beatrice: Hey, nobody ordered you to eat yet.
- Wirt: Yeah, but... mm.
- Greg: Hmm. (Hums quizzically)
- Miss Langtree: Ohh.
- Greg: Hey! I know what to do! Here, Miss Langtree. Play something like this.
- [Greg slams his hands on the piano]
- Miss Langtree: Oh, like this?
- [Pleasant mid-tempo swing music plays]
- Greg: Mm...Good enough. (Grunts)
- Greg starts to sing:
- Oh, potatoes and molasses
- If you want some, oh, just ask us
- They're warm and soft like puppies in socks
- Filled with cream and candy rocks
- Oh, potatoes and molasses
- They're so much sweeter than algebra classes
- If your stomach is grumblin' and your mouth starts a-mumblin'
- There is only one thing to keep your brain from crumblin'
- Oh, potatoes and molasses
- If you can't see 'em, put on your glasses
- They're shiny and large like a fisherman's barge
- You know you've eat enough when you start seeing stars
- Oh, potatoes and molasses
- It's the only thing left on your task list
- They're short and stout to make everyone shout
- For, potatoes and molasses
- For, potatoes and-
- [ BLAM! An old man barges in on mealtime, seemingly angry.]
- Mr. Langtree: THAT'S ENOUGH!
- Miss Langtree: Father
- Mr. Langtree: Is this what I've been paying for?!
- Greg: Hey, we just wanted to have a little fun.
- Mr. Langtree: I didn't invest in this school for fun. I thought we were trying to do important work here, teaching animals to count and spell.
- Miss Langtree: We are! Oh, please, Father, don't close the school. It won't happen again.
- Mr. Langtree: I should say it won't.
- Mr. Langtree begins to take the instruments from the animals: THIS...
- A deer tries to blow into a trumpet, but it's taken away: PBHT!
- Mr. Langtree: ...THIS...
- [Meows]
- Mr. Langtree: ...And this are all coming with me. Now send them to bed!
- Miss Langtree: You heard Father. Off to bed with you.
- [Slow wistful jazz plays]
- Animal student: [Sighs]
- Animal Student: [Whimpers ]
- Animal student: [Sniffles]
- Greg: I just wanted to have fun, change the world, and make it a better place. But I just made everything worse.
- Frog: [Croaks]
- Beatrice: Okay, Wirt, I'll admit it -- you seem like a pushover, but you're not.
- Wirt: Oh?
- Beatrice: Deep down in your heart, you're a stubborn jerk. When are you gonna give this up?
- Wirt: Maybe never. Maybe I'll never give this up.
- Greg: Hmm. Yeah! Wirt's right -- never give up! Come on, Wirt. Let's go save the day.
- Wirt: Okay, if you say so
- Beatrice: (Scoffs)
- Greg: Come on.
- [Owl hoots]
- Wirt: So, what's the plan, Greg?
- Greg: Plan? Ohh. I don't know.
- [We see Mr. Langtree curling up in the brush, using the instruments to help prop up his coat to make a tent.]
- Mr. Langtree: Ohh! Who would've thought making a primer school for animals was a bad idea? My life savings, my home -- everything I had went into that dear, dear school. And now I'm forced to sell these instruments just to keep it open. All the while that loathsome Jimmy Brown is off gallivanting who knows where! Not to mention that wild gorilla on the loose. (Sighs) if only something would go right for a change. (Snoring)
- Greg: Okay, I think he's asleep. Let's go steal his stuff.
- Both Wirt and Beatrice: What?
- [Pastoral music plays, birds chirp]
- Mr. Langtree: (Snores, groans, and gasps) The instruments! They've been stolen! Who would do such a thing?! Huh?
- [ Humming, Indistinct chatter ]
- Good Samaritan: Here you go.
- Good Samaritan: Oh, here you go, Sonny.
- Mr. Langtree: What is this?
- Wirt: It's a benefit concert for the school.
- Miss. Langtree: Ah, isn't it grand -- all these fine people giving out of the goodness of their hearts? (Sighs) not like my Jimmy Brown.
- [Dramatic piano plays]
- Beatrice: Ohh, here we go.
- Miss Langtree: All he ever did was steal my heart away.
- [A dark shadow looms over Miss Langtree.]
- Greg: GORILLA!
- Miss Langtree: AAH!
- Gorilla: (Roars)
- [Crowd screams]
- Mr. Langtree: Young man, do something!
- Wirt: Uh...
- [Wirt closes his eyes and runs towards the gorilla. He shouts weakly, but then he trips over his shoelaces and tumbles into the gorilla.]
- Wirt: Whoa! (Groans)
- [Everyone gasps]
- Jimmy: (Grunts loudly) Finally.
- Miss Langtree: Jimmy?
- Jimmy: That's right, Darlin'. I was the gorilla.
- Miss Langtree: But why did you do it?
- Jimmy: Got a job in the circus so's I could finally buy ya that wedding ring. But when I got stuck in the dang suit, everybody was too doggone scared to help me out.
- Miss Langtree: Aw, Jimmy. Oh!
- Jimmy: Darlin'.
- [Everyone cheers]
- Mr. Langtree: I guess the world really is as sweet as potatoes and molasses.
- Greg starts to sing: Oh, potatoes and molasses, If you want some...
- Wirt: So, want me to tell Greg it's time to get going?
- Beatrice: Nah, let him have his fun.
- Greg contines singing: Filled with cream and candy and rocks
- Beatrice: Hey, Wirt.
- Wirt: Yeah?
- Beatrice: Tie your shoe.
- Wirt: Hmm. Oh. Mm. Okay.
- Greg sings:...algebra classes
- If your stomach is grumblin' and your mouth...
- [Mysterious classical piano plays]
Chapter 4: Songs of the Dark Lantern[]
- [ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC
- PLAYING ]
- [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ]
- [ PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ]
- [ WIND WHISTLING ]
- Carriage Driver: STOP!
- NO!
- [ SHOUTS ]
- Carriage Driver: OH, NO!
- THE BEAST IS UPON ME!
- [ DUCK QUACKS ]
- Greg: SHH!
- Wirt: Greg, is there a beast out there?
- Greg: mmmm... (Looks out from the hay pile to the empty path behind them, he grabs a duck and goes back into the hay pile)
- I found a duck
- Do you know how to make eggs from a duck? I’m hungry…
- Wirt: What about the beast?
- Carriage Driver: THE BEAST IS UPON ME!
- Greg: I didn’t see any beast. That driver is nuts… mmm nuts…
- Wirt: WHEW! WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
- Beatrice: Good?! That crazy driver is taking us way off course!
- Wirt: Really?
- Beatrice: Yeah, who knows where we are by now with that guy acting all banannas-
- Greg: ooo, banana nut duck bread… (Rubs stomach)
- [ LIGHTNING STRIKES ]
- Horse: [ WHINNIES ]
- (The carriage takes a sharp turn and throw the hay pile, and everyone in it off of the carriage.)
- (ALL SHOUT, DUCKS SQUAWKING)
- Greg: (pops out from the hay pile waving his arms) Wooahh
- (In the distance they see a tavern with a creepy guy (later known as “the highway man”) standing in one of the second story windows looking at them)
- Beatrice: WELL, FINALLY SOME GOOD LUCK.
- LET'S GO TO THIS CREEPY TAVERN
- AND ASK FOR SOME DIRECTIONS.
- Wirt: BUT...
- [ LIGHTNING STRIKES ]
- [ SIGN CREAKING ]
- [ NEIGHING, CRYING ]
- Wirt: BUT IT'S CREEPY.
- WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO ASK FOR
- DIRECTIONS, AND I'LL JUST WAIT
- OUT -- NO, WAIT, I-I DON'T WANT
- TO BE OUT HERE BY MYSELF.
- HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS --
- Beatrice: JUST GO TO THE TAVERN!
- Wirt: OKAY!
- BUT YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.
- Beatrice: FINE, YEAH, I'LL DO
- EVERYTHING.
- Greg: I'M HUNGRY.
- [ GRUNTS ]
- Beatrice: Go on!
- Wirt: I-IT'S STUCK.
- OH.
- [ DOG SPUTTERING ]
- Wirt: E-EXCUSE ME, THERE.
- EXCUSE ME.
- HMM?
- [ WHISTLING ]
- [ DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
- [ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
- [ WHISTLING CONTINUES ]
- [ DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES ]
- Greg: YOU. WAIT. HERE.
- I'LL GET SOME FOOD.
- Wirt: WELL, AT LEAST IT HAS MUSIC.
- Tavern Lady, modeled after Betty Boop: WELL, HEY, THERE, PEACH POT.
- WHATCHA DOING AROUND -- HEY,
- WHAT'S THAT BIRD YOU GOT THERE?
- Wirt: IT'S A --
- Beatrice: I AM BEATRICE!
- THESE TWO SWEET KIDS AND I GOT A
- BIT LOST IN THE -- AAH!
- [ GASPS ]
- Tavern Lady: NO BIRDS ALLOWED IN MY
- TAVERN!
- Beatrice: NO BIRDS ALLOWED IN YOUR --
- Tavern Lady: IT'S A BAD OMEN WHEN A
- BLUEBIRD ENTERS THROUGH YOUR
- DOOR.
- IT'S BAD LUCK!
- Beatrice: LADY, BLUEBIRDS ARE GOOD
- LUCK!
- WE BRING JOY AND HAPPINESS TO
- THE -- AAH!
- Tavern Lady: GOOD LUCK, BAD LUCK -- I
- DON'T NEED ANY OF IT!
- Beatrice: CURSE YOU, LADY! CURSE YOU!
- YOU'LL DIE SOMEDAY, AND I'LL
- LAUGH -- LAUGH!
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Wirt: OHH!
- Beatrice: FORGET THIS. I'M OUT OF HERE.
- WIRT, YOU GET DIRECTIONS.
- Wirt: W-WAIT, NO.
- I-I DON'T WANT TO --
- Beatrice: JUST DO IT!
- Tavern Lady: WHO ARE YOU TWO ANYWAY,
- BRINGING BAD LUCK TO MY TAVERN?
- Wirt: I'M WIRT, AND THIS IS
- GREGORY.
- [ SNORTS ]
- Greg: AND THAT'S A HORSE!
- Tavern Lady: THAT'S GREAT, BUT WHO ARE
- YOU?
- Wirt: I'M...WIRT.
- I'M -- I'M JUST A-A GUY, I-I
- GUESS.
- UM, W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- Tavern Lady: WELL, HE'S THE BUTCHER...
- The Butcher: I'M THE BUTCHER.
- Tavern Lady: ...THE BAKER...
- The Baker: YEAH!
- Tavern Lady: ...THE MIDWIFE...
- The Midwife: [ COUGHS ]
- Tavern Lady: ...THE MASTER AND
- APPRENTICE...
- THE TAILOR.
- The Tailor: [ GROANING ]
- Tavern Lady: AND I'M THE TAVERN KEEPER.
- WHO ARE YOU?!
- Greg: I'M HUNGRY!
- Wirt: I-I-I DON'T KNOW.
- I DON'T REALLY LIKE LABELS.
- I'M JUST SORT OF, LIKE, MYSELF,
- YOU KNOW?
- The Master: MAYBE HE'S SIMPLE.
- Wirt: NO, I-I'M JUST [SIGHS] I'M
- JUST LOST.
- SEE, W-WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO --
- The Highwayman: I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN.
- Wirt: OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW.
- WELL, SO, YOU SEE --
- The Highwayman: I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN
- I MAKE ENDS MEET
- JUST LIKE ANY MAN
- I WORK WITH MY HANDS
- IF YOU CROSS MY PATH
- [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
- The Highwayman starts to sing:
- I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT
- DRAG YOU OFF THE ROAD
- STEAL YOUR SHOES FROM OFF YOUR
- FEET
- I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN
- AND I MAKE ENDS MEE-E-E-E-T
- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
- Wirt: [ SIGHS ]
- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE
- IN DISTANCE ]
- Beatrice, speaking to the horse: [ SIGHS ] HEY.
- Horse: [ CRUNCHING ]
- Beatrice: ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?
- Horse: [ SMACKS LIPS, SNORTING ]
- In the distance, a melodious voice can be heard from the woods.
- Unknown Voice: TRA LA LA LA
- Beatrice: HMM? WHO'S OUT THERE?
- Unknown Voice: CHOP THE WOOD TO LIGHT THE
- FIRE
- Beatrice: WHAT KIND OF PERSON GOES OUT
- CHOPPING TREES IN THE MIDDLE OF
- A THUNDERSTORM AT NIGHT?
- Unknown Voice: TISN'T MUCH THAT I REQUIRE
- Beatrice: WHAT KIND OF A PERSON TALKS
- TO A HORSE?
- Horse: [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ]
- Beatrice: OOH-AH.
- The Midwife and the Master have an arm-wrestling match:[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
- The Toy Maker:[ LAUGHING ]
- Wirt: HMM.
- [ SIGHS ]
- The Toy Maker: [ LAUGHING in a very jolly manner ]
- Wirt: EXCUSE ME?
- The Toy Maker: HUH?
- Wirt: I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW
- THE WAY -- UH, I MEAN, I-I'M --
- HER NAME IS ADELAIDE, AND --
- The Toy Maker: OH, IT'S A GIRL YOU'RE AFTER,
- EH?
- Wirt: NO! I-I MEAN, YES, BUT --
- The Toy Maker: [ LAUGHS in a jolly manner ]
- OH, YOU'RE NOT THE WITLESS
- SIMPLE-MINDED FOOL EVERYBODY
- TAKES YOU FOR.
- Wirt: EVERYONE THINKS I'M --
- The Toy Maker: YOU'RE THE YOUNG LOVER.
- Wirt: WHAT? YOUNG LOVER? NO, UH --
- The Toy Maker: IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET
- WITH THIS ADELAIDE GAL...
- Wirt: I-I DON'T. I-I MEAN, I-I --
- The Toy Maker: WELL, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.
- [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
- The Toy Maker starts to sing:
- WRITE A LOVING LETTER, BOY
- THAT SWOOPS AND SWEEPS AND
- CURLS
- CALLIGRAPHER'S JUST THE THING
- TO HELP YOU WIN YOUR GIRL
- THEN YOU'LL NEED TO DRESS UP
- SMART
- THE TAILOR'S HERE BY CHANCE
- HE'LL STITCH YOUR TROUSERS,
- HOLE YOUR BELT, IN FINE COUTURE
- OF FRANCE
- YOUR SHOES, MY GOODNESS, HOW
- THEY'RE WORN, BUT YOU'RE TOO
- YOUNG TO KNOW
- NOTHING COURTS A WOMAN'S SCORN
- MORE THAN SCUFFS ON THE TOE
- THE COBBLER CAN ATTEND TO
- THAT
- MEANWHILE, YOU MUST HAVE
- CAKE
- THE BAKER AND PATISSIER NEED
- WORK FOR GOODNESS SAKE
- HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY,
- UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY
- WHAT A MERRY TIME WE'LL HAVE
- UPON YOUR WEDDING DAY
- Wirt: WHAT?
- The Toy Maker: HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY,
- UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY
- THERE'S WORK FOR ALL WHEN
- LITTLE BOYS GET MARRIED
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Wirt: NO, NO, NO, NO.
- Y-YOU GUYS, I-I-I'M NOT GETTING
- MARRIED.
- I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND --
- The Toy Maker: THAT POINTY CONE UPON YOUR
- HEAD
- Wirt: OH, NO, PLEASE.
- The Toy Maker: YOU CAN'T BE WEARING THAT
- [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES IN
- DISTANCE ]
- [ THUNDER RUMBLING ]
- Beatrice: MM. [ SIGHS ]
- IF I HAVE TO BE OUTSIDE, THEN
- THOSE JOKERS DO, TOO.
- Greg: OH, HEY, BEATRICE!
- DO YOU WANT SOME FOOD, TOO?
- Beatrice: NO.
- HOW'S WIRT DOING GETTING
- DIRECTIONS?
- Greg: MM, PRETTY GOOD.
- The Toy Maker: HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY,
- UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY
- WHAT A MERRY TIME WE'LL HAVE
- UPON YOUR WEDDING DAY
- Beatrice: [ SIGHS ]
- The Toy Maker: HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY
- Beatrice: WHAT ABOUT THAT WOODSMAN?
- I BET HE KNOWS THESE WOODS
- BETTER THAN ANYBODY, HUH?
- [ SIGHS ]
- ALL RIGHT, HORSE, GOOD RIDDANCE!
- Horse: [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ]
- [ ALL CHEERING ]
- LOVER!
- LOVER!
- Wirt: NO, Y-YOU GUYS, ADELAIDE
- ISN'T -- I-I'M JUST --
- The Midwife: YOUNG LOVER, SING US YOUR
- LOVE SONG!
- Wirt: LOVE SONG?
- The Butcher: YEAH, LOVER!
- SING US YOUR LOVE SONG!
- Wirt: NO, I-I-I DON'T HAVE A --
- All: [ Chanting ] SING,
- LOVER, SING!
- Wirt: NO.
- All: SING, LOVER, SING!
- The Midwife carries Wirt to the stage, and throws him there.
- Wirt: MIDWIFE, NO. AAH! OHH!
- All: SING, LOVER, SING!
- SING, LOVER, SING!
- SING, LOVER, SING!
- SING, BOY, SING!
- Wirt:[ VOCALIZING NERVOUSLY ]
- MY NAME IS WIRT, AND HIS NAME
- IS GREG
- WE'RE RELATED 'CAUSE MY MOM
- REMARRIED AND THEN GAVE BIRTH TO
- HIM WITH MY STEPDAD
- [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
- [ SIGHS ]
- WE'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE
- CAN YOU ALL GIVE ME
- SOME DIRECTIONS TODAY?
- SO WE CAN BE ON OUR
- [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
- WA-A-A-Y
- The Butcher: THIS AIN'T NO LOVE SONG.
- The Tailor: [ SNIFFLING ]
- IT'S A METAPHOR.
- [ CRYING ]
- Tavern Lady: KEEP IT TOGETHER, TAILOR.
- The Butcher: HEY!
- >>Wirt: UH, YES?
- >>The Butcher: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!
- YOU'RE A PILGRIM!
- >>Wirt: WHAT?
- WHAT, LIKE THE -- THE GUYS WHO
- EAT TURKEY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE?
- >>The Butcher: NO, YOU'RE A PILGRIM!
- >>Wirt: A PILGRIM?
- >>The Butcher: YOU'RE A TRAVELER ON A SACRED
- JOURNEY.
- >>The Master: YOU'RE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN
- DESTINY.
- >> The Baker: THE HERO OF YOUR OWN STORY!
- >>Wirt: A PILGRIM.
- >>The Baker: TELL US YOUR FEATS, PILGRIM!
- WHAT OTHER CHALLENGES HAVE YOU
- OVERCOME?
- >>The Master: REGALE US WITH YOUR TRAVELS,
- PILGRIM!
- >>Greg: ONE TIME, WIRT FELL ON A
- GORILLA.
- [ ALL CHEERING ]
- Greg: AND HELPED ME FIND THIS FROG.
- [ ALL CHEERING ]
- >>The Midwife: MORE! TELL US MORE!
- >>The Tailor: TELL US MORE!
- LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG!
- WE WANT TO HEAR IT!
- >>Wirt: AND, OH, UH, I MET THIS
- HELPFUL WOODSMAN WHO TOLD US
- WHICH DIRECTION TO GO TO AVOID
- THE BEAST.
- >> All: [ GASP ] THE BEAST!
- >> THE BEAST.
- >> OH, GOODNESS.
- >>Wirt: OH, YOU GUYS HAVE HEARD OF
- THE BEAST, TOO?
- >>Tavern Lady: WE ALL KNOW THE BEAST,
- PILGRIM.
- The Tavern Lady starts to sing:
- HE LURKS OUT THERE IN THE
- UNKNOWN
- SEEKING THOSE WHO ARE FAR FROM
- HOME
- HOPING NEVER TO LET YOU
- RETURN
- >> [ VOCALIZING ]
- OOH-OOH, BETTER BEWARE
- OOH-OOH, THE BEAST IS OUT
- THERE
- OOH-OOH, BETTER BE WISE AND
- DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES
- >> [ VOCALIZING ]
- >> FOR ONCE YOUR WILL BEGINS
- TO SPOIL
- HE'LL TURN YOU TO A TREE OF
- OIL
- AND USE YOU IN HIS LANTERN FOR
- TO BURN
- >> [ VOCALIZING ]
- >> [ BLOWS ]
- >>Wirt: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! LANTERN?
- THE WOODSMAN WAS THE GUY WITH
- THE WEIRD LANTERN, NOT THE
- BEAST.
- >>Tavern Lady: PILGRIM, HE WHO CARRIES THE
- DARK LANTERN MUST BE THE BEAST.
- >>Wirt: WHAT?
- NO, THE WOODSMAN'S A GOOD GUY.
- HE WARNED US OF THE BEAST AND
- TOLD US WHICH DIRECTION TO GO TO
- AVOID HIM.
- >>Tavern Lady: AND NOW YOU'RE MORE LOST THAN
- EVER, HUH?
- >>Wirt: YEAH, BUT...
- OH, YEAH, HEY, CAN YOU GIVE US
- SOME DIRECTIONS?
- OUR FRIEND BEATRICE IS TRYING TO
- TAKE US TO ADELAIDE OF THE
- PASTURE, THE GOOD WOMAN OF THE
- WOODS.
- SHE CAN HELP US GET HOME.
- >>The Apprentice: YOU DON'T NEED DIRECTIONS,
- PILGRIM.
- YOU FOLLOW THAT COMPASS INSIDE
- YOUR HEART.
- >>Wirt: UH...
- NO, I THINK WE NEED DIRECTIONS.
- >>Beatrice: AAH!
- >> Wirt: [ GASPS ] BEATRICE!
- >>Tavern Lady: GO SAVE YOUR FRIEND AND GET
- YOURSELF HOME!
- [ ALL CHEERING, SHOUTING ]
- >> PILGRIM!
- >> YOU GOT IT!
- >>Wirt: UH...
- OKAY.
- >> NEVER SAY DIE, NEVER SAY DIE!
- [ ALL CHEERING ]
- >>Wirt: OH, BOY, I GUESS I'M REALLY
- DOING THIS.
- HORSE, I'M JUST GONNA PRETEND
- LIKE I CAN RIDE YOU, ALL RIGHT?
- [ GRUNTS ]
- >> [ NEIGHING ]
- >>Wirt: BEATRICE?!
- [ CREATURE HOWLING IN DISTANCE ]
- BEATRICE?
- [ WIND WHISTLING ]
- ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE TREES.
- >>The Woodsman: HALT!
- >> [ GASPS ]
- >>Wirt: IT'S YOU!
- >>Greg: HEY, MR. WOODSMAN!
- >>The Woodsman: I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THESE
- WOODS!
- >>Wirt: [ GASPS ] BEATRICE!
- YOU'RE TURNING HER INTO AN
- EDELWOOD TREE!
- [ GASPS ]
- YOU WERE THE BEAST ALL ALONG!
- [ BLOWS ]
- >>The Woodsman: HUH?!
- >> [ WHINNYING ]
- >>The Woodsman: WHOA! HUH?!
- WHAT IS THIS?
- >>Wirt: GREG, GET BEATRICE!
- [ GRUNTING ]
- >>The Woodsman: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
- BOYS, THE BEAST IS UPON YOU!
- AGH!
- OH!
- [ GASPS ]
- >> [ NEIGHING ]
- >> [ SIGHS ]
- Wirt: BEATRICE, YOU ALL RIGHT?
- Beatrice: YEAH, I JUST -- I SAW A WEIRD SHADOW AND THEN STUPIDLY FLEW INTO A TREE AND GOT KNOCKED OUT.
- Wirt: OH, WELL, WE'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.
- Greg: WIRT WAS AMAZING! HE SANG A SONG, RODE A HORSE, AND SAVED YOU FROM THE AXE GUY! HE'S THE PILGRIM!
- Beatrice: THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET DIRECTIONS.
- Wirt: I DID. WE JUST GOT DIRECTIONS FROM FRED BEFORE YOU WOKE UP.
- Beatrice: WHO?
- Wirt: OH, UH, BEATRICE, MEET FRED THE HORSE.
- Fred the Horse: NICE TO HORSE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
- Beatrice: YOU CAN TALK?!
- Fred: [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ]
- Unknown Voice: IT SEEMS YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF OIL, WOODSMAN. WHY NOT LET ME TAKE THE LANTERN FOR AWHILE?
- The Wooodsman: BEGONE, BEAST! I'VE FOUGHT YOU FOR THE LANTERN BEFORE, AND I'LL FIGHT YOU AGAIN!
- The Beast: NO NEED FOR VIOLENCE, WOODSMAN, BUT BE SURE TO KEEP IT LIT, OR YOUR DAUGHTER'S FLAME WILL GO OUT... FOREVER. NOW, WHAT DIRECTION DID THOSE CHILDREN GO?
- The Woodsman: YOU LEAVE THOSE CHILDREN BE!
- [ LAUGHING EVILLY ]
- The Woodsman: BEAST!
- The Beast: TRA LA LA LA
- The Woodsman: BEAST!
- The Beast: TRA LA LA LA CHOP THE WOOD TO LIGHT THE FIRE
- [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ]
Chapter 5: Mad Love[]
- [ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS ]
- [ BIRD CRIES ]
- Quincy Endicott: YES, TEA! THAT'S MY TRADE! QUINCY ENDICOTT'S HEALTH TEA.
- Greg: YOUR TEA SOUNDS GOOD.
- Quincy Endicott: UGH. NEVER TOUCH THE STUFF MYSELF.
- Greg: BLEH. ME EITHER.
- Quincy Endicott: HA HA! YES! IT'S ALL FOR THE MONEY! YES, THE MONEY TAKES MY MIND OFF MY TROUBLES -- THE DEEP SOUL-CRUSHING LONELINESS. (SHIVERS) YES, THE MORE MONEY I MAKE, THE BIGGER MY MANSION GETS, THE MORE LOST I FEEL. (SOBS) WHY, THIS HOUSE IS SO BIG, I SOMETIMES DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE OR WHO I AM! (LAUGHS)
- Beatrice: YEAH, WELL, I'M GLAD YOUR NEPHEWS HERE WERE ABLE TO PAY A VISIT.
- Greg: YEAH, YEAH!
- Quincy Endicott: YES, WHAT A -- WHAT A PLEASURE IT IS TO HAVE COMPANY -- A PERFECT PLEASURE. A PERFECT PLEASURE, LADS! A PER-- YES, YES. YEAH, YEAH.
- Greg: HA HA! YEAH! HA HA! PERFECT PLEASURE, HEATHER...
- Wirt: UM, BEATRICE, W-WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING I'M THIS GUY'S NEPHEW?
- Beatrice: WE NEED MONEY.
- Wirt: YOU'RE SCAMMING HIM?
- Beatrice: I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE FLAT-OUT STEALING FROM HIM.
- Wirt: WHAT? NO WAY.
- Beatrice: WHY NOT? WE ALREADY STOLE A HORSE.
- Fred the Horse: HEY, GUYS.
- Wirt: NO, WE DIDN'T. FRED'S A TALKING HORSE. HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS.
- Fred the Horse: I WANT TO STEAL.
- Wirt: (GASPS) WHAT?! YOU GUYS ARE BONKERS.
- Beatrice: IF WE'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S, WE NEED TWO CENTS.
- Fred the Horse: MM-HMM.
- Wirt: WELL, YOU GUYS DO WHAT YOU -- TWO CENTS? ONLY TWO CENTS?
- Beatrice: YEAH, WE NEED TWO PENNIES TO TAKE THE FERRY TO ADELAIDE'S PASTURE.
- Quincy Endicott: HA HA! COME EVERYONE! LET US RETIRE TO THE PARLOR AND ENJOY MY UNNECESSARY EXCESS OF WEALTH AND LUXURY. (LAUGHS)
- Wirt: WELL, MAYBE HE JUST HAS SOME LOOSE CHANGE SOMEWHERE HE WOULDN'T MIND US TAKING.
- Beatrice & Fred the Horse: MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
- Wirt: HMM.
- [ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Quincy Endicott: BEHOLD, NEPHEW, THE MAJESTY OF WEALTH!
- Beatrice & Fred the Horse: OOH!
- Quincy Endicott: (GASPS) WHAT WAS THAT?! UH --
- Greg: WHAT'S WRONG UNKIE ENDICOTT? YOUR FOREHEAD IS ALL SWEATY.
- Quincy Endicott: M-MY NERVES. MY -- MY -- MY NER-- (CHUCKLES) MY NERVES ARE A BUST THESE DAYS.
- Greg: HOW COME?
- Quincy Endicott: (GASPS) UH, YES, YES. MAYBE IT WOULD BE -- BE GOOD TO -- TO TALK TO SOMEONE. WELL, Y-- (CLEARS THROAT) ACTUALLY, IT ALL BEGAN ONE DAY WHEN I WAS EXPLORING MY EXCEEDINGLY LARGE AND LABYRINTHINE MANOR HERE. I HAPPENED UPON A SECTION OF THE HOUSE I DIDN'T EVEN RECALL BUILDING. (LAUGHS) ISN'T THAT FUNNY? MUST'VE BEEN THE OLD WING. BUT IT WAS LIT IN A RATHER SORT OF EER-- EERIE -- EERIE LIGHT. AND I PRESSED ON, AND THEN I-I SAW THE PAINTING OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN, AND THAT'S WHEN THINGS TOOK A RATHER STRANGE TURN. FROM THAT DAY ON, I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE WOMAN IN THE PORTRAIT. SHE CON--CONSUMED MY EVERY THOUGHT. I'D FALLEN IN LOVE -- HA HA -- WITH A GHOST.
- [Wirt & Greg Gasp while Fred is looking at a giant Faberge egg]
- Fred the Horse: OHHHHHHHHH.
- Beatrice: IT'S TOO BIG. GET A GRIP.
- Quincy Endicott: OH, I MUST SOUND CRAZY, MUSTN'T I? (CHUCKLES) PERHAPS IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO LEAVE MY TREASURE-FILLED HOME.
- Beatrice & Fred the Horse: NO!
- Greg: YEAH, UNKIE! I WANT TO SEE THE GHOST!
- Quincy Endicott: OHH, HOW I LONG TO SEE HER JUST ONCE AGAIN, AS WELL, YES.
- Greg: TO THE PAINTING!
- Quincy Endicott: YES. YES. (LAUGHS)
- Greg: OOH, BOY! GHOST HUNT!
- Beatrice: FRED, GO WITH THEM. BUY ME SOME TIME.
- Fred the Horse: WHILE I'M AT IT, I'LL STEAL OTHER STUFF, TOO.
- [ CLOCK TICKING, BELL TOLLING ]
- [ GLASS SHATTERS, RUSTLING ]
- Wirt: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST BE LOOKING FOR LOOSE CHANGE.
- Beatrice: THAT'S WHAT I'M -- (GASPS)
- Wirt: AAH!
- Beatrice: OOPS. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
- Wirt: WELL, LET'S TRY NOT TO BREAK ANY MORE -- AAH, GAH!
- Beatrice: OH, HEY. HEY, YOU DIDN'T CHECK THE ARMOIRE.
- [ TAPPING ]
- [Wirt and Beatrice Gasp]
- Beatrice: ENDICOTT'S BACK. HIDE!
- Greg: IS THAT THE PORTRAIT?
- Quincy Endicott: NO.
- Greg: IS THAT THE PORTRAIT?
- Quincy Endicott: NO. LOOK, W-W-WHY DON'T I-I JUST TELL YOU WHEN WE REACH THE PORTRAIT.
- Greg: OKAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, UNKIE? YOU SEEM TENSE.
- Quincy Endicott: YOU KNOW ME WELL, NEPHEW. YES, THE TRUTH IS I'M FRIGHTENED.
- Greg: OF A GHOST? GHOSTS ARE JUST FLOATY THINGS.
- Quincy Endicott: OH, NO, NO, NOT AFRAID OF THE GHOST. I MEAN I'M AFRAID WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT IF THERE IS NO GHOST? WHAT IF I'M ON THE -- ON THE -- ON THE -- ON THE BRINK OF -- HMM -- MADNESS. MAYBE THE DOCTORS WERE RIGHT. COME ALONG, BOYS! BACK TO THE PARLOR.
- Fred the Horse: THE PARLOR? WHAT WOULD ANYONE GO THE PARLOR FOR? THERE'S NOBODY IN THE PARLOR -- CERTAINLY NOBODY AFTER YOUR MONEY.
- Greg: YEAH, NO GIVING UP NOW, OLD MAN. IT'S GOT TO BE A GHOST!
- Quincy Endicott: BUT H-HOW CAN YOU BE SO CERTAIN?
- Greg: 'CAUSE I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO SEE A GHOST -- REALLY BAD.
- Quincy Endicott: OH.
- Fred the Horse: WHEW.
- Wirt: OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE GONE. BEATRICE? YOU THERE?
- Beatrice: BAH! YES, SMART GUY. START SEARCHING FOR CHANGE.
- Wirt: UH, I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING IN HERE.
- [ RUSTLING ]
- Wirt: WELL, I-I DON'T THINK THESE COATS HAVE POCKETS.
- Beatrice: CHECK THE LINING. MAYBE SOMEBODY SEWED MONEY INTO THE FABRIC.
- Wirt: NOPE. DO PEOPLE EVEN DO THAT?
- Beatrice: I'VE DONE IT ON MY CLOTHES.
- Wirt: YOU WEAR CLOTHES? LIKE A LITTLE BIRD VEST OR SOMETHING? (LAUGHS) OR LITTLE BOWS?
- Beatrice: WHEN I WAS A HUMAN, FOOL.
- Wirt: YOU USED TO BE HUMAN? DID I KNOW THAT? I-I DON'T THINK I KNEW THAT.
- Beatrice: JIMINY CRICKET! LET'S JUST FIND SOME COINS, ALL RIGHT? OPEN THE DOOR.
- Wirt: IT'S STUCK. WELL, GUESS WE HAVE TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
- Beatrice: HELP!
- Quincy Endicott: THE GREENHOUSE. (SNIFFS) THIS IS WHERE I GROW MY CAMELLIA FOR TESTING NEW TEAS. PERHAPS WE SHOULD SAVOR THE -- THE QUIET TRANQUILITY OF THIS -- THIS PLACE.
- [ SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS, WATER RUNNING ]
- [ GREG AND QUINCY SIGH DEEPLY ]
- [ TAPPING ]
- >> [ SCREECHES ]
- Quincy Endicott: AAH! AAH! GHOST!
- Peacock: AAAAAAAAHH!
- Quincy Endicott: AAH! AAH! I CAN'T DO IT!
- Greg: UNCLE ENDICOTT, IT'S JUST A FUNNY CHICKEN.
- Quincy Endicott: YES, O-ONE OF MY PRIZE-WINNING ROASTING PEACOCKS. YES, WITH ALL THIS LOVE IN MY BRAIN, I, UH, FORGOT TO FEED THEM. IT'S ALMOST AS THOUGH I'VE LOST MY MIND.
- Greg: WE CAN LOOK FOR THAT AFTER WE FIND OUR GHOST. HEAVE-HO!
- Quincy Endicott: [Laughing] YES, YES. HEAVE-HO. INTO THE ABYSS... NEVER TO RETURN.
- Fred the Horse: (GASPS) UM, ANYONE WANT TO GO BACK TO THE PARLOR?
- Wirt: HEY. ARE YOU STILL THERE?
- Beatrice: YES, WIRT. I'M STILL HERE.
- Wirt: SO, HOW DID YOU BECOME A BLUEBIRD?
- Beatrice: (SIGHS) HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
- Wirt: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
- Beatrice: HMM.
- [ WIND BLOWS ]
- Beatrice: THERE'S A BREEZE COMING OUT OF HERE.
- Wirt: OH, YEAH. WHOA!
- Beatrice: WHAT?!
- Wirt: A SECRET ENTRANCE! SO, ABOUT YOUR DARK SECRET.
- Beatrice: HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU TELL ME YOUR DARK SECRETS INSTEAD, HUH?
- Wirt: MY SECRETS ARE TOO SECRET. HEY, LOOK. LIGHT.
- Beatrice: WHOA. NOW WHO'S AVOIDING THE QUESTION?
- Wirt: YOU.
- Beatrice: FINE. I THREW A ROCK AT A BLUEBIRD, AND IT CURSED ME AND MY FAMILY, AND NOW WE'RE ALL BLUEBIRDS. HAPPY? NOW YOU GO.
- Wirt: WHOA. Y-YOUR WHOLE FAMILY?
- Beatrice: YEAH.
- Wirt: IS THAT WHY YOU'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S -- TO FIX THINGS?
- Beatrice: THAT WAS THE PLAN, BUT -- (SIGHS) YEAH, THAT WAS THE PLAN.
- Wirt: IT'LL ALL WORK OUT.
- Beatrice: ALL I KNOW IS I AM NEVER GOING BACK TILL I CAN MAKE THEM HUMAN AGAIN. I'D DO PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.
- Wirt: (SIGHS) ALL RIGHT. MY TURN, HUH? OKAY. WELL, IT'S WEIRD TO ADMIT IT, BUT, WELL, I-I HAVE THIS CRUSH ON THIS GIRL.
- Beatrice: MM-HMM.
- Wirt: THAT'S ALL.
- Beatrice: THAT'S ALL?
- Wirt: AND I THINK ABOUT HER A LOT, AND I PLAY CLARINET.
- Beatrice: WIRT! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
- Wirt: AND I SECRETLY WHISPER POETRY TO MYSELF IN MY ROOM AT NIGHT.
- Beatrice: WIRT, THAT STUFF'S NOT WEIRD. THOSE ARE JUST -- (SIGHS) WELL, THE POETRY THING IS WEIRD. BUT THOSE ARE JUST CHARACTER TRAITS. YOU PLAYED CLARINET?
- Wirt: SORT OF.
- Beatrice: WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO?
- Wirt: I DON'T KNOW. UH -- HEY. DOES THIS ROOM LOOK DIFFERENT TO YOU?
- Beatrice: UH, HOW SO?
- Wirt: IT'S LIKE FRENCH-ROCOCO STYLE. THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM IN LINE WITH ENDICOTT'S GEORGIAN SENSIBILITIES.
- Beatrice: HOW -- WHAT? WHO ON EARTH AM I TALKING TO RIGHT NOW?
- Wirt: SHOULD I NOT KNOW THAT SORT OF STUFF?
- Beatrice: ENDICOTT PROBABLY JUST BUILT IT WITHOUT THINKING, RIGHT?
- Wirt: OR -- WHOA. YEAH. W-WHAT IF THE GHOST HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS ACTUALLY...
- Fred the Horse: (WHIMPERING)
- Quincy Endicott: THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE -- THE ROOM WHERE I FIRST SAW HER.
- Greg: WHOA! JUST A BEDROOM?
- Quincy Endicott: JUST A BEDROOM, MY NEPHEW? THIS IS THE CHAMBER OF MINE OWN TRUE LOVE, AND HERE SHE STANDS, HOVERING ABOVE US LIKE THE BLINDING SUN.
- Greg: HMM. NO GHOST?
- Quincy Endicott: NO GHOST? THEN I AM... MAD.
- Greg: DON'T BE MAD. HEY. WHAT'S THIS SUSPICIOUS MESS OVER HERE?
- Fred the Horse: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WAS A STRUGGLE -- A VIOLENT STRUGGLE.
- [ PLOP! ]
- Quincy Endicott: WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, MY EQUINE FRIEND?
- Fred the Horse: NOTHING, NOTHING. I'M JUST -- ENDICOTT IS A CRAZED LUNATIC WHO DID AWAY WITH THE LADY OF THE HOUSE AND IS NOW PRETENDING TO OWN THE PLACE!
- Quincy Endicott: WHAT?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, MAKING ACCUSA-- I SEE IT NOW. YOU'RE AFTER MY MONEY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID FOR THIS MONEY -- T-THE THINGS THESE FILTHY HANDS HAVE DONE TO MAKE THIS MONEY?!
- Fred the Horse: I'LL NEVER STEAL AGAIN, I SWEAR. I'LL GET AN HONEST JOB.
- Quincy Endicott: AND WHAT SAY YOU, NEPHEW?
- Greg: UH, I'M CONFUSED.
- Quincy Endicott: WELL, THEN --
- [ GHOSTLY WAILING ]
- Quincy Endicott: (SCREAMS) SHE COMES FOR ME!
- Greg: WAIT, UNKIE! FACE YOUR FEARS!
- Margueritte Grey: [ GASPS ]
- Quincy Endicott: (SIGHS DRAMATICALLY)
- Margueritte Grey: (SIGHS DRAMATICALLY)
- Wirt: MR. ENDICOTT? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- Greg: Psst! Ghost.
- Margueritte Grey: (GASPS)
- Quincy Endicott: WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME, SPIRIT?
- Margueritte Grey: SPIRIT? BUT YOU'RE THE GHOST.
- Quincy Endicott: MY LADY, I ASSURE YOU I AM FLESH AND BLOOD AND I -- (BREATHES DEEPLY) I WELCOME YOU TO MY HOME.
- Margueritte Grey: YOUR HOME? GOOD SIR, YOU'RE IN MY HOME.
- Quincy Endicott: IMPOSSIBLE!
- Margueritte Grey: LOOK HERE. YOU SEE? THIS IS MY CAMELLIA GARDEN FOR MY TEA COMPANY.
- Quincy Endicott: MARGUERITTE GREY?! WHY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, MADAM, THIS IS MY TEA GARDEN.
- Margueritte Grey: QUINCY ENDICOTT?!
- Wirt: YOUR GUYS' MANSIONS ARE SO HUGE THEY'RE ACTUALLY CONNECTED.
- Quincy Endicott: SO YOU -- YOU MEAN THAT BEAUTIFUL GHOST WAS REALLY JUST...
- Margueritte Grey: THAT DASHING SPECTER WAS REALLY JUST...
- Quincy Endicott & Margueritte Grey: MY BUSINESS COMPETITOR?
- [ BIRD CRIES ]
- Quincy Endicott: WELL, GREG, MY BOY, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HELPING ME TO FACE MY FEARS. YOU'RE A -- YOU'RE A SWEET BOY
- WITH GOOD SENSE. TAKE THIS PENNY AND START YOUR FORTUNE.
- Margueritte Grey: AND HERE'S ONE FROM ME, AS WELL.
- Wirt: HEY, NICE. NOW WE CAN RIDE THE FERRY. WELL, EVERYBODY, I THINK IT'S TIME WE HEAD TO ADELAIDE OF THE PASTURE, THE GOOD WOMAN OF THE WOODS. UH, WHAT ABOUT YOU, FRED? ARE YOU COMING WITH US?
- Fred the Horse: NO, THANKS. I'VE GOT A REAL JOB NOW AS AN OFFICIAL TEA HORSE.
- Wirt: WELL, THEN I GUESS THAT'S IT.
- Quincy Endicott: OFF YOU GO, THE LOT OF YOU.
- Wirt: GOODBYE.
- Greg: GOODBYE.
- Wirt & Greg: GOODBYE.
- Fred the Horse: AND DON'T FORGET TO BUY ENDICOTT BRAND TEA.
- Beatrice: HEY, WIRT. YOU DID GOOD BACK THERE.
- Wirt: YEAH?
- Beatrice: YOU GOT A LOT MORE GOING FOR YOU THAN I THOUGHT. HUH?
- [ DISCORDANT ACCORDION PLAYS ]
- Wirt: GREG! OUR PENNIES! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!
- Greg: 'CAUSE UNCLE ENDICOTT PEGGED ME ALL WRONG -- I'VE GOT NO "CENTS," NO "CENTS" AT ALL.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYS ]
Chapter 6: Lullaby in Frogland[]
- (Opening them plays)
- [We open to a steam boat floating along the river. music playing from the band aboard.
- [Aboard the steamboat, the passengers are all frogs, dressed in dapper outfits. A few of the passengers are croaking to each other while a crew member swabs the deck. Suddenly, a little frog boy rides a cockroach across the deck, knocking over the crew member's bucket, causing a spill, much the crew member's dismay.]
- Cleaning frog crew member: Rawwr!! (croaks)
- [On stage, the band plays according the frog conductor, as frogs in front of the stage dance to the music. The scene changes to the helm; a constable sleeps atop a stool while the captain looks around through a spyglass. He brings his attention to the steam whistle and pulls it, waking the snoring constable.]
- Constable frog: (startled) Argh!!
- [ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ]
- [ We cut to another frog boy, blissfully licking a lollipop. Behind him are two gentlefrogs "smoking" bubble pipes, bubbling away.]
- [We cut to Wirt and company; Greg and his frog spinning around on deck].
- Greg: HA HA! HA HA! YEAH! WHOO! HA HA! HA HA!
- Wirt: AHH. WHAT A NICE WAY TO SPEND OUR LAST DAY -- GOING TO ADELAIDE'S HOUSE. OUR JOURNEY IS FINALLY OVER. PRETTY SOON I'LL BE BACK HOME. I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT WOODSMAN OR THAT BEAST OR WHATEVER, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH US ANYMORE. BET YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY, HUH, BEATRICE?
- Beatrice: HUH? OH. YEAH. SURE.
- Wirt: YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU SOUND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY WISTFUL.
- Beatrice: WHAT? SORRY. JUST THINKING.
- Wirt: HMM.
- Greg starts singing: OH, WE'RE GOING TO THE
- PASTURE TO MEET ADELAIDE AND ASK
- HER IF SHE HAS A WAY TO SEND US
- BACK WHERE WE CAME FROM
- I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS OR HOW
- SHE IS OR WHEN, WHAT, WHY
- SHE IS
- Wirt joins in: BUT AS FOR WHERE SHE IS,
- SHE IS WHERE WE WILL GO
- TO ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE
- COME ON AND JOIN THE ADELAIDE
- PARADE
- ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE
- WE'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S
- HOUSE TODAY
- Wirt: (LAUGHS) BOY. FINALLY GOING HOME.
- Beatrice: (SIGHS)
- Wirt: HEY, WHAT'S WITH BEATRICE?
- Greg: I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S WITH GEORGE WASHINGTON BEING NAKED?
- [ FANFARE PLAYS as 'George Washington" turns around to face Greg.]
- Wirt: WHAT?
- Greg: ALL THE OTHER FROGS ARE DRESSED UP NICE.
- [ Two Frogs Croak ]
- Greg: HE'S AN OUTCAST, AND HE'S COLD. FEEL THESE COLD FEETS.
- Wirt: NO. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE COLD, GREG. HE'S A FROG.
- Greg: BUT HE'S OUR FROG!
- Wirt: WELL, HE'S NOT MY FROG -- OR SHE'S NOT MY FROG. WE DON'T REALLY KNOW ITS GENDER.
- Greg: [GASPS] COME ON, GEORGE. YOU'RE A MANLY FROG, AND YOU NEED SOME SOCKS.
- Frog George Washington: [ CROAKS ]
- [ A constable whistle blows]
- Greg: HUH?
- [A crew member appears in the crowd with a constable, pointing towards Greg and company, causing a ruckus among the crowd. The crowd murmurs at the scene.]
- Wirt: UH-OH. IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- IT'S 'CAUSE THE PRESIDENT IS NUDE!
- Beatrice: IT'S PROBABLY 'CAUSE YOU SNUCK ON WITHOUT PAYING.
- Wirt: OH, YEAH.
- BUT THAT'S BECAUSE GREG THREW
- ALL OUR MONEY AWAY.
- TAKE HIM, NOT ME!
- Greg: AAAAAAAAAH!
- [Wirt, Greg, G.W., and Beatrice make a run for it!]
- [ WHISTLE BLOWING ]
- [As they run away from the constable, they bump into a frog waiter carrying a tray of fly hors d'oeuvres, causing the tray to fall and the flies to "fly off" into the crowd.]
- [The flies buzz and get gulped up by three passengers.]
- Wirt: SORRY!
- >> [ Wirt and company keep running, past the waterwheel and off screen. The constable and crew member chase them off screen. Then Wirt and company appear on the water wheel, riding it back in the opposite direction to escape their pursuers. The constables reappear on screen from where they ran, continuing the chase.]
- [A frog family is posed for a picture when Wirt bumps into the frog mother, causing her to drop her tadpole babies, startling everyone involved.]
- Greg: TADPOLES!
- YOUR BABIES!
- [ TADPOLES CRYING ]
- [Wirt attempts to pick up the tadpoles, but stops to continue to try and escape with Greg and company. As the constable tries to turn the corner, he trips on the tadpoles like they were banana peels. The mother frog wails as her babies thrash around the deck and she tries to pick them up.]
- [Wirt and company run through the helm. Greg stops for a moment to salute the captain before he continues running. The constable and crew member also stop to salute the captain before continuing to chase after the stowaways. They run into a storage room, coming out in disguise as a single band member under a band coat plus a drum.]
- [ SQUISH! SQUISH! ]
- Frog Constable: Hmmmm.
- Wirt: GOOD DAY, GENTLE--
- [ CLEARS THROAT ]
- [ Deep voice ] GOOD DAY,
- GENTLEMEN.
- WE -- I -- MUST BE GOING NOW TO
- JOIN THE BAND.
- Greg: Wirt, drum me!
- Wirt: Okay.
- Greg: OW! OW, OW!
- OW! OW, OW!
- [ POP! POP! ]
- ARE WE GOOD?
- Wirt: WHEW! I THINK SO.
- Beatrice: WIRT, SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO
- FACE YOUR PROBLEMS.
- TURN YOURSELF IN AND GET KICKED
- OFF THIS BOAT.
- Wirt: I DON'T THINK TODAY'S A GOOD
- DAY TO GET ARRESTED BY FROGS.
- Beatrice: HMM. WELL...
- Wirt: HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?
- Greg: DON'T PUSH ME!
- Wirt: OOF! OOF! OOF!
- [ INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP ]
- Greg: [ GRUNTS ]
- Wirt: OKAY, EVERYBODY.
- ACT NATURAL.
- Greg: DRUM ME! DRUM ME!
- Wirt: I SAID, "ACT NATURAL."
- Greg: IT IS NATURAL! I'M A DRUM!
- [The conductor taps his baton and begins to conduct the band; MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
- WIRT, DRUM ME!
- DRUM ME IN THE FACE!
- Wirt: OKAY! OKAY! SHH!
- DON'T DRAW ATTENTION TO US!
- [ Wirt raises his drumstick to drum Greg, but smacks a frog band member in the face, causing the frog to fall off the stage. He stumbles into other frog passengers, getting tangled up in a waltz, bumping into a waiter, falling down some stairs and finally slipping on one of the tadpoles and falling off the boat!]
- [ FROGS CROAKING ]
- [ FLIES BUZZING ]
- Frog Bassoon Player: WHOA!
- [ HONK! ]
- Frog Bassoon Player: WHOA!
- Wirt: NO BASSOON PLAYER.
- UH-OH.
- [ FROGS CROAKING ANGRILY ]
- DOG, THOSE FROGS REALLY LOVE THE
- BASSOON!
- [ CROAKING CONTINUES as the frogs go into an uproar over the interruption, and the constable and crew member look suspiciously at Wirt and Greg's desiguises.]
- HUH?
- Frog Constable: HMM.
- Wirt: OH, NO.
- BEATRICE, I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO TO
- FROG JAIL.
- Greg: HEY, WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THE
- BASSOON?
- Wirt: THAT'LL GET US KICKED OFF
- THIS BOAT FOR SURE.
- Beatrice: [ GASPS ]
- NO, GREG'S RIGHT.
- YOU SHOULD PLAY IT.
- GO AHEAD. YOU'LL DO FINE.
- YOU PLAY INSTRUMENTS, RIGHT?
- Wirt: YEAH, BUT BASSOON AND
- CLARINET ARE WAY DIFFERENT.
- I DON'T HAVE THE EMBOUCHURE FOR
- BASSOON.
- I MEAN, THE LOWER AND MIDDLE
- RANGES HAVE SOME SIMILARITIES IN
- TERMS OF --
- Beatrice: WIRT, YOU CAN DO IT.
- Wirt: SERIOUSLY, NOBODY WANTS TO
- HEAR ME PLAY.
- Beatrice: I DO!
- Greg: I DO!
- George Washington: [ CROAKS ]
- Wirt: UH...
- [ OUTRAGED CROAKING CONTINUES ]
- Beatrice: WIRT?
- Wirt: YEAH. HERE WE GO.
- [ Wirt picks up the bassoon and Greg takes up the drumstick, drumming himself as Wirt begins to play.]
- Greg: OW. OW. OW. OW.
- [ MUSIC RESUMES ]
- George Washington sings: AT NIGHT WHEN THE LAKE IS A
- MIRROR
- Frog Crewmember: HUH?
- Greg: WHOA!
- George Washingtong continues singing: AND THE MOON RIDES THE
- WAVES TO THE SHORE
- A SINGLE SOUL SETS HIS VOICE
- SINGING
- CONTENT TO BE SLIGHTLY
- FORLORN
- A SONG RISES OVER THE LILIES
- Frog Crowd: WAH-OOH, WAH-OOH
- George Washington: SWEEPS HIGH TO CLEAR OVER
- THE REEDS
- AND OVER THE BULLRUSHES
- SWAYING
- TO PLUCK AT A PAIR OF
- HEARTSTRINGS
- Wirt: HEY, BEATRICE, THANKS FOR
- SUPPORTING MY BASSOONING.
- Beatrice: YEAH. YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD.
- Wirt: THE BEST PART IS WE'RE STILL
- ON TRACK TO GET TO ADELAIDE'S.
- Beatrice: YEP. THAT'S GREAT.
- Wirt: YOU DON'T SEEM THRILLED.
- Beatrice: WELL, I JUST --
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO --
- NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.
- George Washington: CARRIES THEIR MEMORY ON--
- ["George Washington" gets carried away in song and gestures his arms towards the crowd, losing his coat and revealing himself and Wirt]
- [ ALL GASP ]
- [George Washington becomes embarrassed by his sudden nakedness and desperately tries to cover himself.]
- Frog Crewmember: [ GASPS ]
- [ The constable blows his whistle ]
- >> All: SHH!
- Wirt: UH...
- [ MUSIC RESUMES ]
- George Washington: OVER THE TREETOPS AND
- MOUNTAINS
- OVER THE BLACKENED RAVINES
- Frog Lady: OHH!
- George Washington: THEN SOFTLY IT FALLS BY A
- HOUSE NEAR A STREAM
- AND OVER THE GARDEN WALL
- TO THEE
- Greg: AHH.
- I KNEW YOU WERE SPECIAL.
- [ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ]
- [ FROGS CROAKING ]
- Wirt: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
- Beatrice: LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE...
- HIBERNATING IN THE MUD.
- Wirt: SO, WHERE'S ADELAIDE'S HOUSE?
- IS IT CLOSE?
- Beatrice: IT'S -- HMM.
- WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO
- TOMORROW, I THINK.
- WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HER TOO
- LATE, YOU KNOW?
- Wirt: WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO --
- JUST SIT AROUND IN THE MUD WITH
- THESE FROGS?
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- I CALL THAT MUD OVER THERE!
- HA HA HA! YEAH!
- Beatrice: SO, THEN WHAT?
- Wirt: WELL, THEN I WENT TO GO TALK
- TO SARA -- I MEAN, LIKE REALLY
- TALK TO HER, YOU KNOW -- PUT ALL
- MY CARDS ON THE TABLE, YOU KNOW?
- Beatrice: YEAH.
- BWirt: AND THEN JASON FUNDERBERKER
- COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND WHISKS
- HER AWAY!
- UGH! JASON FUNDERBERKER --
- THAT GUY.
- [ GROWLS ]
- PLUS GREG WAS AROUND.
- HE WOULD HAVE EMBARRASSED ME
- EVEN MORE.
- Beatrice: WELL, WIRT, SOUNDS LIKE
- YOU'RE A REAL LOSER BACK HOME.
- Wirt: OH, THANKS A LOT.
- Beatrice: I MEAN COMPARED TO HOW YOU
- ARE HERE.
- HERE YOU'RE LIKE A HERO AND
- STUFF, RIGHT?
- Wirt: AM I?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SAY,
- "HERO," BUT --
- Greg: DO YOU THINK THAT I COULD BE
- A HERO, TOO?
- HUH?
- [ A group of frogs crowd around George Washington, offering him a record contract]
- [ Greg GASPS ]
- YOU DONE GOOD, MR. PRESIDENT.
- YOU DONE GOOD.
- Beatrice: IF I WAS YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN
- WANT TO GO HOME.
- Wirt: YEAH, BUT I-I CAN'T STAY HERE
- FOREVER.
- Beatrice: WHY NOT?
- Wirt: HMM? WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE -- BECAUSE I-I CAN'T
- JUST -- MAYBE IT IS BETTER TO
- STAY HERE.
- Wirt: GREAT. THEN IT'S AGREED.
- WE'RE NOT GOING TO ADELAIDE'S.
- GOOD NIGHT, WIRT.
- Beatrice: OH, WHAT?
- OH. GOOD NIGHT, BEATRICE.
- [ It's now late into the night, and everyone seems to be fast asleep. Beatrice then takes flight into the night, waking Wirt.]
- Wirt: BEATRICE.
- GREG, WAKE UP!
- Greg: HUH?
- Wirt: BEATRICE TOOK OFF!
- Greg: WHAT?
- Wirt: COME ON!
- Greg: MMM.
- [As Greg wakes from his sleep, he notices George Washington being dressed by the captain. Greg takes a deep breath, as if preparing for a goodbye.]
- Wirt: COME ON, GREG!
- Greg: I'M COMING.
- [ Beatrice flies through the night, arriving to a house in the middle of the woods. She enters through the chimney, tumbling out all covered in soot.]
- Beatrice: [ COUGHING ]
- Adelaide: CLOSE THE FLUE.
- THAT FRESH AIR DOES SIMPLY
- GRUESOME THINGS TO MY TENDER,
- DELICATE SKIN.
- Beatrice: ADELAIDE, WE NEED TO TALK.
- Adelaide: DID YOU BRING ME WHAT I ASKED
- FOR?
- Beatrice: I FOUND TWO BROTHERS LOST IN
- THE WOODS, BUT I CAN'T GIVE THEM
- TO YOU, ADELAIDE.
- THEY NEED TO GO HOME.
- Adelaide: NONSENSE!
- I'LL GIVE THEM A WONDERFUL HOME
- HERE.
- Beatrice: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID, BUT --
- Adelaide: CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SICK AND
- HELPLESS?
- [ IMITATING COUGHING ]
- AH-CHOO!
- I'M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.
- I WANT A CHILD SERVANT.
- Beatrice: SERVANT?
- I THOUGHT YOU JUST WANTED SOME
- YARD WORK DONE.
- Adelaide OUR ARRANGEMENT WAS FOR YOU
- TO BRING ME A CHILD SERVANT AND
- THEN I GIVE YOU THE SCISSORS...
- TO SNIP, SNIP, SNIP YOUR
- FAMILY'S WINGS AWAY TO MAKE THEM
- HUMAN AGAIN.
- Beatrice: WHAT IF I BECAME YOUR
- SERVANT?
- Adelaide: HA!
- I NEED A BIG, STRONG CHILD!
- Beatrice: YOU CAN TURN ME INTO A HUMAN,
- CAN'T YOU?
- Adelaide: OH, YES -- SCISSORS!
- Beatrice: YEAH. YEAH.
- SO, GIVE ME THE SCISSORS.
- I'LL GO HELP MY FAMILY.
- [ GASPS ] WIRT!
- Adelaide: CLOSE THE DOOR!
- I'LL CATCH MY DEATH OF COLD!
- Wirt: WHAT'S GOING ON?
- Beatrice: YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
- Wirt: ADELAIDE?
- Adelaide: WELCOME HOME, CHILDREN.
- [Adelaide pulls some strings hanging near her, entangling Wirt and Greg]
- Greg: HUH?
- Wirt: HUH?
- Both: AAAH!
- Wirt: BEATRICE, WH-WHAT --
- Beatrice: I...
- Wirt: BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE
- FRIENDS.
- Adelaide: NOW THEY'RE MINE.
- AND ONCE I FILL THEIR HEADS WITH
- WOOL, THEY'LL BECOME JUST LIKE
- LITTLE SHEEP AND FOLLOW MY EVERY
- COMMAND.
- Wirt: ALL ALONG, YOU'VE BEEN
- LEADING US TO THIS CRAZY LADY?
- Adelaide: I DO AS HE COMMANDS -- THE
- VOICE OF THE NIGHT, THE BEAST OF
- ETERNAL DARKNESS.
- Beatrice: [ GRUNTING ]
- Adelaide: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
- OHH!
- THE NIGHT AIR IS POISONOUS!
- Beatrice: BREATHE IT IN, LADY.
- WIRT, GREG, LET'S GO!
- Adelaide: THE DEADLY...AIR!
- Beatrice: WHOA! GEEZ!
- SHE WASN'T KIDDING!
- Adelaide: IT'S FRESH!
- OHHHHHH!
- Beatrice: HUH?
- [ HINGES CREAK ]
- WIRT? GREG?
- [ COUGHING ]
- GREG! WIRT!
- IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE!
- I WAS JUST -- PLEASE COME BACK!
- OHH.
- [ CRYING ]
- Wirt: HMM.
- Greg: WIRT, WHAT ABOUT BEATRICE?
- Wirt: HMM. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED
- ANYONE.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Greg: HUH?
- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN!
- Greg: [ CROAKS ]
- Wirt: HURRY IT UP, GREG.
- [ WIND BLOWING ]
Chapter 7: The Ringing of the Bell[]
- [ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ]
- [ THUNDER RUMBLES. A storm has started up. Beatrice looks out from Adelaide's window solemnly. We cut to Greg and Wirt walking through the storm.]
- Greg: [BREATHING HEAVILY] WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- Wirt: WE'RE WALKING, GREG.
- Greg: BUT WHERE?
- Wirt: A PLACE TO WAIT OUT THIS RAIN.
- Greg: OH. BUT... [BREATHING HEAVILY] SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR BEATRICE?
- Wirt: [ SIGHS ] I DON'T NEED BEATRICE. I-I'LL FIGURE THIS OUT ON MY OWN.
- Greg: OH, THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU HAVE A PLAN. HEY, WIRT?
- Wirt: WHAT?
- Greg: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANY DETAILS, SO IT'S HARD FOR ME --
- Wirt: GREG, I DO HAVE A PLAN. AND IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW ME, OKAY? IF YOU WANT TO GO LOOK FOR BEATRICE, GO AHEAD. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.
- Greg: ANYTHING? THAT'S A LOT OF POWER.
- [ CRASH as a tree falls down]
- Greg: WIRT! OH, NO! DID I KNOCK DOWN THAT TREE WITH MY POWERS? SORRY. ARE YOU OKAY?
- Wirt: YEAH.
- THAT TREE JUST CAME AT ME OUT OF
- NOWHERE.
- GREG, LOOK -- AX MARKS.
- SOMEONE CHOPPED IT DOWN.
- Woodsman: INDEED. 'TWAS I.
- Wirt: [ GASPS ]
- Greg: AAH! OHH!
- Woodsman: STOP! LISTEN!
- THE BEAST KNOWS YOUR PRESENCE!
- READY TO CLAIM YOU AS PART OF
- HIS DARK FOREST, BUT ONLY IF YOU
- GIVE UP!
- KEEP HEARTY IN BOTH BODY AND
- SPIRIT AND YOU SHALL BE SAFE
- FROM HIM.
- FALL ILL OR LOSE HOPE AND YOUR
- LIFE SHALL PASS INTO HIS CROOKED
- HANDS.
- [Wirt kicks the woodsman's lantern away to distract the woodsman so he can run]
- UGH! CHILDREN!
- PLEASE, HEED MY WARNING!
- BOYS, BEWARE THE BEAST!
- The Beast: WOODSMAN.
- The Woodsman: HUH?
- The Beast: WE SHOULD TALK.
- [ THUNDER RUMBLES ]
- Greg: [ GRUNTS ]
- Wirt: [ GRUNTS ]
- I THINK WE LOST HIM.
- Greg: HA HA! YOU GOT HIM WITH THE
- OLD KICKEROO!
- Wirt: SEE? I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
- I DON'T NEED BEATRICE.
- NOW, TO FIND SOMEPLACE TO WAIT
- OUT THIS RAIN...
- Greg: AS LONG AS IT'S NOT THAT OLD,
- BROKEN-DOWN --
- Greg: SHH!
- IT'S PERFECT!
- COME ON, GREG!
- Greg: UH, WIRT...
- AIN'T THAT JUST THE WAY?
- [ FROG CROAKING ]
- Wirt: THIS PLACE ISN'T SO BAD.
- HUH?
- Greg: MAYBE.
- DUM DUM-DUM DUM-DUM DUM DUM
- [ CROAKING CONTINUES ]
- Greg: GET THAT FROG OUT OF YOUR
- PANTS.
- Greg: HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS.
- HEY, WHAT'S IN THESE OLD
- BASKETS?
- WHOA!
- Wirt: WHAT?
- Greg: WE'RE RICH!
- Wirt: WHAT?
- Greg: LOOK!
- IT'S FULL OF BLACK TURTLES!
- WE'RE TURTLE RICH!
- Greg: [ GROANS ]
- Greg: [ CHUCKLES ]
- Wirt: YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,
- FINDING A BASKET OF TURTLES IN
- AN ABANDONED HOUSE, HUH?
- Greg: HA HA! YEAH.
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Wirt: GREG, NOT THAT KIND OF FUNNY.
- Greg: HUH? OH.
- Lorna: AUNTIE?
- AUNTIE, I FINISHED SORTING --
- [ GASPS ]
- Wirt: [ GASPS ]
- Lorna: WHO ARE YOU?!
- Greg: WE'RE BURGLARS!
- Wirt: NO, NO. NO, NO.
- WE'RE -- WE'RE NOT.
- WE JUST NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THE
- RAIN, AND WE THOUGHT THIS PLACE
- WAS ABANDONED, SO WE --
- Greg: SO WE CAME HERE TO BURGLE
- YOUR TURTS.
- Wirt: NO, IT'S NOT TRUE.
- [Wirt quickly tries to cover Greg's mouth]
- Greg: IT IS TRUE! HA HA HA!!
- [ Wirt wrestles Greg into the ground]
- OH, OKAY. I GIVE UP.
- Wirt: HA! SEE?
- Lorna: I BELIEVE YOU, BUT, PLEASE
- [COUGHS] HIDE YOURSELVES AT
- ONCE.
- AUNTIE WHISPERS IS COMING SOON.
- Wirt: UH, WHAT?
- [ BOTH GASP ]
- [ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ]
- Lorna: HIDE, QUICKLY!
- WELCOME HOME, AUNTIE.
- Auntie Whispers: LORNA, MY SWEET CHILD.
- [ SNIFFS ]
- HMM. HAS ANYONE COME HERE TODAY?
- Lorna: NAY, AUNTIE -- NOT A SOUL.
- Auntie Whispers: THEN NO ONE SHALL BE DEVOURED
- ALIVE TONIGHT?
- Lorna: NAY, I PRAY NOT, MUM.
- Wirt: DEVOURED ALIVE?
- Auntie Whispers: YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, LORNA,
- BUT YOU DECEIVE ME.
- Lorna: I SPEAK THE TRUTH, AUNTIE.
- I SWEAR.
- Auntie Whispers: DECEIVE ME NOT, CHILD.
- I CAN SMELL THEM.
- [ SNIFFING ]
- I CAN SMELL THE CHILDREN IN THIS
- HOUSE.
- Wirt: WHAT? CHILDREN?
- I'M, LIKE, IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- Greg: YEAH, WELL, YOU STILL STINK.
- Wirt: SHH!
- Greg: YOU "SHH."
- Auntie Whispers: TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE HIDING
- THEM, PRECIOUS ONE.
- Lorna: I --
- Auntie Whispers: THE RINGING OF THE BELL
- COMMANDS YOU.
- [ BELL RINGING ]
- Lorna: [ GASPS ]
- LOOK [GASPS] IN THE BASKET.
- Auntie Whispers: YOU HAVE ENTERED THE HOUSE OF
- DOOM, CHILDREN -- YOUR DOOM.
- Lorna: [ GASPS ]
- Auntie Whispers: OH. MY DEAR, WHY, ALL ALONG,
- YOU MEANT IT BE THE TURTLES THAT
- SMELL SO RIPE.
- Lorna: A-A-AYE.
- THAT IS WHAT I MEANT.
- Auntie Whispers: [ SNIFFS ] MM.
- [ Auntie Whispers puts the turtle in her mouth, munching on it.]
- THEN YOU HAVE NO EVIL SECRETS TO
- KEEP?
- Lorna: NAY. I HAVE NONE.
- [Auntie Whispers slurps the turtle shell, discarding the now empty shell].
- Auntie Whispers: THEN OFF TO BED GO I, AND
- YOU, LORNA -- YOU SHALL SORT THE
- BONES OF THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN
- EATEN HERE BEFORE.
- Lorna: I HAVE FINISHED ALREADY.
- Auntie Whispers: THEN CLEAN THIS FLOOR UNTIL
- IT SHINES.
- THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMANDS
- YOU.
- Lorna: [ GASPS ]
- YES, AUNTIE WHISPERS.
- Auntie Whispers: YOU KNOW I DO THIS FOR YOU,
- CHILD.
- KEEPING YOU BUSY IS THE ONLY WAY
- TO KEEP EVIL SPIRITS FROM
- DRIVING YOU TO WICKEDNESS.
- Lorna: DO NOT WORRY,
- AUNTIE WHISPERS.
- THE WORK SHALL KEEP ME BUSY.
- [ COUGHS ]
- Auntie Whispers: GOOD NIGHT, MY DEAR.
- AND DOWSE THAT FIRE.
- I DID NOT ASK YOU TO LIGHT IT.
- [ SNORING ]
- Lorna: COME OUT, MY TURTLES.
- SHE SLEEPS.
- Greg: [ GRUNTS ]
- Wirt: YOU SURE?
- Lorna: AYE.
- [ COUGHS ]
- Wirt: UH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YOU'VE BEEN COUGHING A LOT.
- Lorna: [ COUGHS ] IT'S MY ILLNESS.
- IT'S THE REASON AUNTIE WHISPERS
- IS SO HARD ON ME.
- Wirt: GOSH! THAT LADY IS SO BAD.
- YOU SHOULD GO SEE A DOCTOR.
- Lorna: AUNTIE DOES NOT ALLOW
- VISITORS HERE.
- SHE BELIEVES OUTSIDERS WILL LEAD
- ME TO BECOME WICKED.
- Wirt: YEAH. SEE?
- THAT'S SUPERWEIRD.
- I DON'T MEAN TO INSULT YOUR
- FAMILY, BUT --
- Lorna: OH, SHE'S NOT MY REAL AUNT.
- Wirt: OH, MY GOSH. SEE?!
- Greg: HEY, WHERE'D DR. CUCUMBER GO?
- [ FROG CROAKS ]
- HEY, I'M GONNA GET YOU!
- Wirt: SO, YOU GOT TO KEEP SWEEPING
- TILL YOU'RE DONE?
- Lorna: MM-HMM.
- THE WORK NEVER ENDS.
- BY THE TIME THIS TASK IS
- COMPLETE, SHE WILL RETURN AND
- ORDER ME TO A NEW TASK, AND SO
- IT GOES.
- Wirt: IF I HELP AND WE GET THE WORK
- DONE FAST, MAYBE YOU CAN...
- [Wirt uses with his hands to create two running figures]
- Lorna: ESCAPE? WITH YOU?
- Wirt: YEAH.
- Greg: CAN WE ESCAPE WITH YOU, TOO?
- [ FROG CROAKS ]
- Wirt: GREG...
- Lorna: HMM. YES.
- PERHAPS THIS -- THIS TIME IT
- COULD BE DIFFERENT.
- HERE.
- [Lorna passes Wirt a cloth to clean with, accidentally touching his hands when she does.]
- [ GASPS ]
- [ COUGHS ]
- Wirt: UH, I'LL TAKE THAT SIDE.
- Lorna: Mm.
- Greg: MM, SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING
- ON.
- [ FROG CROAKS ]
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- [Duet plays]
- Wirt: HERE WE ARE
- Lorna: TWO OF US, LIKE SHIPS
- Wirt: LIKE SHIPS
- Both: UPON A WINDING
- RIVER
- Wirt: AND YET
- Lorna: AND YET
- Both: SOMEHOW WE FOUND EACH
- OTHER
- LIKE STRANGERS, YOU AND I
- Greg: HEY!
- YOU CAN RUN AND YOU CAN HIDE!
- PAGING DR. CUCUMBER!
- YOU'RE NEEDED IN THE OPERATING
- RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OM!
- [ FROG CROAKS ]
- Wirt: WELL, LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
- I THINK WE'RE DONE.
- Greg: AAAAH!
- Auntie Whispers: WHY HAVE YOU COME HERE?
- Greg: OOPS!
- Auntie Whispers: YOU SHAN'T REMAIN ALIVE FOR
- LONG IN THIS HOUSE.
- Greg: AAAH!
- Auntie Whispers: I'M WARNING YOU, CHILDREN --
- KEEP AWAY FROM MY LORNA, OR YOU
- SHALL BE HASTILY GOBBLED UP!
- Wirt: WE -- WE DON'T WANT NO
- TROUBLE, LADY.
- LET'S JUST TALK IT OUT.
- I'M WIRT.
- Auntie Whispers: LORNA, COME HERE.
- Lorna: UH...UH...
- Auntie Whispers: THE RINGING OF THE BELL
- COMMAN-- UH, WHERE --
- DID I PUT THE BELL ON MY
- NIGHTSTAND?
- Lorna: FOLLOW ME.
- Auntie Whispers: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- COME OUT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
- UNLOCK THIS DOOR.
- SHE WILL DEVOUR YOU.
- Wirt: WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
- [From the darkness behind Wirt and Greg, Lorna breathes heavily and floats up from behind them, appearing as a ghoulish spectre!]
- Lorna: [ HISSES ]
- Both: AAH!
- Lorna: MORE BONES TO SORT.
- Both: NO!
- Auntie Whispers: I TOLD YOU BOYS TO STAY AWAY
- FROM HER, BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE
- AND MADE HER WICKED AGAIN.
- Greg: OH-HO!
- FOR SOME REASON, I THOUGHT THAT
- OLD LADY WAS THE PEOPLE-EATER,
- BUT IT WAS LORNA ALL ALONG.
- IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU STUFF.
- NOW I HAVE A PLAN THAT'LL --
- UGH!
- [Wirt grabs Greg and breaks out of the room through a nearby window]
- Wirt: [ GRUNTS ]
- Greg: [ GRUNTS ]
- HA HA! YOUR PLAN WAS BETTER.
- Lorna: I'M SORRY, MY TURTLES...
- Greg and Wirt: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
- Lorna: ...BUT I MUST FEED!
- [ BOTH GRUNT as they fall into a swamp ]
- Wirt: GREG!
- Greg: LET'S TRY MY PLAN NOW.
- Lorna: [ MOANS ]
- Greg: THE RINGING OF THE BELL
- COMMANDS YOU.
- [ BELL RINGING ]
- Wirt: WHAT THE --
- Greg: OH. HE ATE THE WITCH'S MAGIC
- BELL WHEN WE WERE --
- Wirt: FINE! DO SOMETHING.
- Greg: OH. I COMMAND YOU TO...
- Lorna: THE SPIRIT COMPELS ME.
- Greg: ...TRANSFORM INTO A MAGICAL
- TIGER.
- Wirt: THE RINGING -- THE RINGING OF
- THE BELL COMMANDS YOU!
- STOP MAKING LORNA DO BAD STUFF,
- SPIRIT!
- Lorna: [ ROARS ]
- Wirt: AND ALSO GO AWAY AND DON'T
- COME BACK.
- Lorna: [ ROARS ]
- [ ZAP ]
- [ THUD ]
- Wirt: LORNA! LORNA!
- Greg: WIRT, LOOK!
- [Above Lorna, an evil spirit swirls into oblivion]
- >> [ MOANING ]
- [ ZAP ]
- Wirt: LORNA!
- Lorna: WIRT, YOU SAVED ME.
- Auntie Whispers: LORNA? LORNA?
- OH, MY LORNA.
- Lorna: AUNTIE WHISPERS!
- Auntie Whispers: I THOUGHT THEY'D STOLEN YOU
- AWAY.
- Lorna: NO, AUNTIE. THEY SAVED ME.
- THEY BANISHED THE EVIL SPIRIT
- WITH THE POWER OF THE BELL!
- Greg: YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK AFTER
- GREG JR. GOES TO THE BATHROOM.
- Auntie Whispers: OH, LORNA [SNIFFS] THAT'S
- WONDERFUL, DEAR.
- Lorna: AUNTIE WHISPERS, WHAT'S
- WRONG?
- Auntie Whispers: WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE CURED,
- YOU WON'T BE NEEDING OLD
- AUNTIE WHISPERS ANY MORE TO LOOK
- AFTER YOU.
- Lorna: OH, AUNTIE, NO.
- Auntie Whispers: OHH.
- Lorna: I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU.
- YOU ARE MY FAMILY.
- Auntie Whispers: AH. OHH.
- Lorna: THANK YOU SO MUCH, WIRT.
- Auntie Whispers: AND A BIT OF ADVICE -- BEWARE
- OF MY SISTER, ADELAIDE.
- SHE LIVES IN THE PASTURE.
- SHE MUST NOT BE TRUSTED.
- Lorna: PERHAPS I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN
- SOMEDAY.
- I HOPE SO.
- Wirt: SMELL YOU LATER.
- Greg: WOW, WIRT!
- YOU SAVED THE DAY TWICE TODAY!
- Wirt: YEAH, I GUESS.
- BUT SO WHAT?
- WE'RE STILL NOT ANY CLOSER TO
- GETTING HOME.
- I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING
- OUT HERE ANYMORE.
- I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL EVER GET
- BACK HOME.
- Greg: SURE, WE WILL!
- WHAT CAN STOP US?
- YOU GOT A PLAN, REMEMBER?
- Wirt: I LIED.
- Greg: AW, COME ON.
- LET'S GO, CAPTAIN!
- LEAD THE WAY!
- YOU CAN DO IT!
- Wirt: [ SIGHS ]
- The Beast: YES. YES.
- ALL HOPE WILL SOON BE LOST.
- WE'RE LUCKY THE BOY HAD THE
- PLUCK TO BEST YOU.
- YOUR PLAY COULD HAVE COST US
- BOTH.
- DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT KEEPING THE
- LANTERN LIT?
- DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR
- DAUGHTER'S SOUL?
- The Woodsman: ONE CANNOT TRADE THE SOULS OF
- CHILDREN AS IF THEY WERE TOKENS!
- THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY.
- The Beast: NO. THERE IS ONLY ME.
- THERE IS ONLY MY WAY.
- THERE IS ONLY THE FOREST, AND
- THERE IS ONLY SURRENDER.
Chapter 8: Babes in the Woods[]
- [ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC
- PLAYING ]
- [Beatrice looks for the two brothers. Meanwhile, Greg, Wirt, and Frog are rowing through a lake in an outhouse, paddling along with a guitar]
- Greg: HOME!
- HOME?
- HOME!
- HOME!
- HOME?
- COULD BE AROUND ANY CORNER.
- The Beast: TRA-LA-LA-LA
- TRA-LA-LA-LA
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- HEY, CAPTAIN, DO YOU HEAR THAT
- SINGING?
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Greg: NOT YOU, SKIPPER.
- I'M TALKING TO THE CAPTAIN.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Wirt: CAPTAIN WIRT, DO YOU KNOW
- WHO'S SINGING?
- Wirt: I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF ANYTHING
- ANYMORE.
- Greg: OH.
- DID YOU KNOW THAT DINOSAURS HAD
- BIG EARS BUT EVERYONE FORGOT
- 'CAUSE DINOSAUR EARS DON'T HAVE
- BONES?
- Wirt: NO. I -- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT,
- GREG.
- Greg: THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE.
- IT'S A ROCK FACT!
- The Beast: TRA-LA-LA-LA
- Wirt: THE BEAST.
- IT MUST BE THE BEAST OUT THERE.
- THE OBSIDIAN CRICKET OF OUR
- INEVITABLE TWILIGHT SINGING OUR
- REQUIEM.
- Greg: HMM. YEAH!
- MUST BE A REALLY FAT CRICKET.
- [ THUDS ]
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- [ Greg pulls out a bugle and plays a fanfare ]
- LOOK! WE'VE REACHED LAND!
- FEEL THE DIRT!
- AHH. SMELL THAT TREE.
- WE MUST BE ALMOST THERE.
- Wirt: GREG?
- Greg: YES, WIRT?
- Wirt: CAN WE PLEASE STOP PRETENDING
- WE'RE GONNA GET HOME?
- Greg: HUH?
- Wirt: CAN WE ADMIT WE'RE LOST FOR
- GOOD?
- THAT THIS FOG IS DEEPER THAN WE
- CAN EVER UNDERSTAND?
- THAT WE ARE BUT WAYWARD LEAVES,
- SCATTERED TO THE AIR BY AN
- INDIFFERENT WIND?
- CAN WE JUST ADMIT WE'RE NEVER
- GONNA GET BACK HOME, GREG?
- CAN WE DO THAT?
- Greg: WIRT, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF
- YOU SET YOUR MIND TO IT.
- THAT'S WHAT THE OLD PEOPLE SAY.
- Wirt: WELL, THEN LET'S DO THAT.
- Greg: YES, SIR, CAPTAIN!
- [ BUGLE PLAYS ]
- Wirt: GREG!
- YOU NEED TO STOP ACTING
- RIDICULOUS ALL THE TIME.
- Greg: HUH?
- Wirt: LOOK, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY
- WE GOT LOST IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- IT'S 'CAUSE YOU WERE GOOFING
- AROUND AND GETTING INTO TROUBLE
- LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
- Greg: REALLY?
- IT WAS ALL MY FAULT?
- Wirt: YEAH, SO...IT'S NOT MY JOB TO
- GET US HOME, OKAY?
- I'M DONE.
- Greg: ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD BE
- THE LEADER?
- Wirt: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO.
- Greg: BUT IF I'M THE LEADER...
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE?
- Wirt: I'LL BE ASLEEP.
- Greg: WOW.
- WELL, THEN I BETTER TAKE A NAP,
- TOO.
- I NEED TO DREAM UP A GOOD WAY OF
- LEADING US HOME.
- THANKS FOR TRUSTING ME, WIRT.
- DON'T WORRY.
- I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.
- I'LL BE A GOOD LEADER.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- [ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
- STAR, OH, STAR, UP IN THE SKY,
- GUIDE MY DREAMS WITH LIGHT THAT
- SHINES.
- HELP ME KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO
- TO GET WIRT HOME AND ALSO ME,
- TOO.
- AND IF YOU DON'T, I DON'T CARE.
- I'LL PULL DOWN YOUR UNDERWEAR.
- [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Angel: FORWARD, CHERUBS
- HEAR THE SONG
- A CHILD'S WISHES CALL US ON
- DESCEND!
- DESCEND!
- Cherub: Psst! HEY!
- Greg: [ GROANS ] HUH?
- WHOA!
- Angel Sings: THE DREAMS OUR WINGED WIND
- HATH MADE
- FOR ONLY BENEATH THE VEIL
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- WHOA.
- OF SLEEP
- Greg: WHOOOOOA!
- WHOA!
- WHOA!
- WOW!
- Reception Committee: HEY, GREG!
- >> [ GASPS ]
- >> NICE TO SEE YOU!
- Greg HEY, EVERYBODY!
- All: WELCOME TO CLOUD CITY!
- Greg: THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
- MY NAME'S GREG.
- WHAT ARE YOURS?
- Reception committee:WE'RE THE CLOUD CITY
- RECEPTION COMMITTEE
- AND WE ARE HERE TO WELCOME
- THEE
- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
- Greg: OH, WOW, NEAT.
- Auxiliary Committee: AND WE'RE THE CLOUD CITY
- AUXILIARY RECEPTION
- COMMITTEE
- AND WE ARE ALSO HERE TO
- WELCOME THEE
- Greg:THANK YOU.
- Committee Number Three: AND WE'RE THE HIPPOPOTAMUS
- GIRAFFE, AND MONKEY
- AND WE ARE COMMITTEE NUMBER
- THREE
- Greg: OKAY. ARE THERE MORE?
- [ SCARY MUSIC PLAYS as we cut to a sad and ominous looking human faced dog with a storm cloud hanging over its head] ]
- [ THUNDER RUMBLES ]
- Greg: WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH.
- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
- All: SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO
- CLOUD CITY?
- Greg: WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A
- LEADER, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW.
- All: WHY DON'T YOU LEAD OUR
- BAND IN A SONG?
- Greg: OKAY.
- [ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Commitee Sings: EVERYTHING IS NICE AND FINE
- ALL THE TIME
- THE SOFTEST CLOUDS AND RAINBOW
- SKIES
- AIN'T GONNA LIE
- WE ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST
- SPECTACULAR TIME TOGETHER
- EVERYONE IS SITTIN' PRETTY
- ON TOP OF THE WEATHER
- LASSO A CLOUD AND MAKE THE
- FLOWERS GROW
- TIE THEM IN A BOW TO THROW AT
- THE END OF THE SHOW
- OUR SONGS ARE FILLED WITH
- LOVE
- THE SWEETEST LOVE
- AND WE CAN SEND THEM DOWN
- TO YOU
- WITH A LITTLE SHOVE
- SO HITCH A RIDE INTO THE SKY
- AND JOIN OUR BAND
- BRING HARPS AND LUTES, KAZOOS,
- TROMBONES AND FLUTES
- OR JUST YOUR POTS AND PANS
- WE CAN WRITE A LITTLE JIG
- OUT OF THE MIGHTY BLUE
- AND WE WILL BE HERE JUST FOR
- YOU
- Greg: WHEE! WHEE!
- [ OFF-KEY NOTE PLAYS as Greg gets bounced into a trombone]
- Greg: HEE-HEE!
- [ The trombone player huffs and puffs, blowing notes to try and dislodge Greg. Greg gets blown into a closed gate, opening them on impact]
- OHH!
- [ THUNDER CRASHES ]
- >> All: OH, NOOOOO!
- Cherub: THE NORTH WIND IS LOOSE!
- [ ALL SCREAMING ]
- Singing: OH, YEAH, THE OL'
- NORTH WIND
- STARTS TO HOWL
- PUFFS UP AND FURROWS HIS
- BROW
- NOW, NOW
- YOU BETTER TAKE COVER
- LOCK UP THOSE DOORS
- AND CLOSE THE SHUTTERS
- I SAY, THE OL' NORTH WIND
- YES, HE IS
- HE'S GONNA FIGHT
- HE'S GONNA SPIN
- HE'S GONNA PULL BACK
- AND BLOW A LITTLE MORE
- UNTIL YOU CAN'T TELL WHAT YOU
- CAME HERE FOR
- OH, YEAH
- Greg: FIRE!
- The Old North Wind SIngs: THE OL' NORTH WIND
- YES, INDEED
- HE'S GONNA BREATHE AND
- BREATHE
- HE'S GONNA BLOW
- [ THUNDER CRASHES ]
- [We cut back to Wirt and Greg, the wind blowing fiercely around them as they sleep]
- BLOW TILL YOU CAN'T FEEL NO
- MORE
- Beatrice: WIRT? GREG?
- IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
- [ THUNDER CRASHES ]
- AAH!
- [ SHUDDERING ]
- The Old North Wind: [ LAUGHING EVILLY ]
- [ THUNDER CRASHES ]
- [ ALL GASP ]
- [ WIND HOWLING ]
- [ North Wind LAUGHING ]
- Greg: HEY, NORTH WIND!
- PBHT!
- Old North Wind: [ GRUMBLES ] I DON'T LIKE
- THAT ONE BIT.
- THAT MAKES ME MAD!
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- Old North Wind: [ GRUMBLING as he chases Greg around Cloud City
- Greg: OH, NO!
- [ Greg and the old north wind crash into a small house, the sounds of a violent struggle can be heard from inside]
- [ ALL MURMURING ]
- [ DOOR CREAKS ]
- Greg: HA HA!
- HEE HEE HEE HEE!
- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE as Greg comes out victorious, with the old north wind trapped in a bottle ]
- HUH?
- Queen of the Clouds: WHY, HELLO, GREGORY.
- Greg: HELLO.
- Queen of the Clouds: I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CLOUDS.
- THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY CITY.
- Greg: YOU'RE WELCOME.
- Queen of the Clouds: I SHALL GRANT YOU ONE WISH.
- WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR MOST OF
- ALL?
- Greg: WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE
- LEADER, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
- GET HOME.
- DO YOU KNOW?
- Queen of the Clouds: OF COURSE.
- IF YOU WISH, I CAN CERTAINLY
- SEND YOU HOME.
- Greg: GREAT!
- LET'S GO GET WIRT.
- Queen of the Clouds: I'M SORRY, GREGORY, BUT WIRT
- CANNOT GO WITH YOU.
- HE IS TOO LOST.
- Greg: [ GASPS ] BUT...ANYTHING IS
- POSSIBLE IF YOU SET YOUR MIND TO
- IT, RIGHT?
- Queen of the Clouds: SEE HOW THE EDELWOOD GROWS
- AROUND HIM?
- THE BEAST HAS CLAIMED HIM
- ALREADY.
- Greg: OH, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
- LEADING BETTER.
- I WAS GOOFING OFF AGAIN, LIKE
- ALWAYS, AND NOW YOU'RE STUCK
- HERE.
- ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?
- Queen of the Clouds: I'M SORRY, GREGORY.
- WIRT'S FATE LIES SOLELY IN THE
- BEAST'S HANDS NOW.
- Greg: THEN I KNOW WHAT TO WISH FOR.
- [ WHISPERING ]
- Queen of the Clouds: [ GASPS ]
- ARE YOU SURE?
- THEN IT SHALL BE DONE.
- [A star sparkles above, TING! ]
- [We cut back to Wirt sleeping at the foot of the tree, shivering under the leaves]
- Greg: HEY. HEY, WIRT?
- Wirt: Shh!
- TRYING TO SLEEP.
- Greg: OKAY. YOU SLEEP.
- I'M SORRY I GOT US LOST, WIRT.
- WILL YOU TAKE CARE OF RONALD FOR
- ME?
- OKAY.
- I HAVE TO GO NOW.
- GOODBYE, WIRT.
- Beast: YES. COME, GREGORY.
- THERE IS MUCH TO BE DONE.
- Greg: AND THEN YOU'LL SHOW US THE
- WAY HOME, RIGHT?
- Beast: OF COURSE.
- WE MADE A PROMISE, DIDN'T WE? Mhahaha
- Wirt, waking from his sleep: GREG. GREG?
- GREG?
- GREG?!
- WHERE DID HE GO?
- Beast: TRA-LA-LA-LA
- Wirt: NO. NO, NO, NO, NO!
- GREG?!
- [Wirt grunts, noticing that he's been wrapped up in roots]
- WHAT THE HECK?
- Beast: TRA-LA-LA-LA
- TRA-LA-LA-LA
- 'TISN'T MUCH THAT I REQUIRE
- Wirt: GREG?!
- GREG...
- WHAT DID I DO?
- GREG!
- GREG!
- AAH!
- UNH!
- [ GROANS ]
- >> [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
- [ GASPS ] HUH?
- GREG.
- OOF! AAH!
- [ Wirt runs around frantically searching for Greg, not watching his surroundings. He falls through the ice of the now frozen lake, struggling to get his bearings as he sinks into the water. Suddenly, a net is cast to catch him]
- Beatrice: OH! YOU GOT HIM!
- PULL! PULL!
- IS HE ALIVE?
- WIRT!
- Greg: WIRT! WIRT?
- Wirt: GR...EG...?
- Beatrice: WIRT, ARE YOU OKAY?
- WIRT!
- Wirt: GR...EG?
- I-I-I --
- Beatrice: WHERE'S GREG, WIRT?
- Greg: BEATRICE?
- [ SHUDDERED BREATHING ]
- Beatrice: WIRT.
- WIRT!
- [ WIND HOWLING ]
Chapter 9: Into the Unknown[]
- [Opening credits play]
- [We open on Wirt sitting on his bed in his room. He gets up and paces around, contemplating]
- Singing: THE ANGELS HAVE GONE
- THE SONGS HAVE GONE SILENT
- YOU'RE SINKING LIKE A STONE
- BEFORE THE TIDE
- THE RIVER RUNS CO-O-LD
- THE FIGHT IS OVER
- STILL THE HAUNTED RUINS OF
- NIGHT CALL YOUR NAME
- [As the guitar plays, Wirt begins to construct a costume]
- Wirt: MM-HMM.
- [ GASPS ]
- YES.
- [ WIND RUSHING ]
- YES.
- We cut to a high school football game, Wirt watching the mascot from behind the fence]
- Greg: Goodbye! THANK YOU, OLD LADY DANIELS.
- Mrs. Daniels: GOODBYE, GREGORY.
- AND PLEASE DON'T CALL ME
- OLD LADY.
- Greg: YES, SIR, YOUNG MAN.
- HEY, WIRT, WHATCHA DOING?
- Wirt: NOTHING.
- Greg: I WAS HELPING
- OLD LADY DANIELS RAKE SOME
- LEAVES IN EXCHANGE FOR CANDY.
- Wirt: GREG, IT'S HALLOWEEN.
- CANDY IS FREE.
- Greg: OLD LADY DANIELS SAYS NOTHING
- IN THIS WORLD IS FREE.
- OH, HEY, AND LOOK!
- I ALSO GOT THIS ROCK.
- [ Deep voice ] HEY, WIRT, WANT
- TO LEARN SOME ROCK FACTS?
- [ Normal voice ] SO, YOU WANT TO
- GO LOOK FOR FROGS WITH ME LIKE
- YOU SAID YOU WOULD AWHILE AGO
- AND HAVEN'T DONE IT YET?
- Wirt: NAH. NAH, I'M BUSY.
- Greg: IS THAT BEE NAMED SARA?
- Wirt: W-WHAT?
- Greg: YOUR TAPE SAYS "FOR SARA."
- ARE YOU GONNA GIVE IT TO
- SARA THE BEE?
- Wirt: I-I WANT TO, BUT [SIGHS] I
- CAN'T.
- Greg: CAN I SEE IT?
- Wirt: YEAH. IT'S JUST A TAPE.
- Greg: HMM. YEAH.
- OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT TO HER FOR
- YOU.
- Greg: OH, GREG! W-WAIT! NO, NO!
- Kathleen: [ Sweetly ] OH, LOOK AT YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
- Greg: IT'S AN ELEPHANT COSTUME.
- [ TRUMPETING ]
- PBHT! SEE MY TRUNK?
- Kathleen: [ Flatly ] YEAH, THAT'S CUTE.
- Rhondi: I'M AN EGG.
- Kathleen: YEAH, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE
- AN EGG, RHONDI.
- Rhondi: SHUT IT, KATHLEEN.
- Kathleen: WHATEVER.
- [ Sweetly ] SO, WHAT ARE YOU,
- WIRT?
- SOME KIND OF GNOME?
- Wirt" UH, I D-- I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL, IT'S -- SEE, I WAS -- I
- THOUGHT I'D JUST, LIKE --
- Kathleen: HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
- Greg: THAT'S WIRT'S TAPE FOR SARA.
- Kathleen: [ Mockingly ] OOH!
- WIRT LOVES SARA!
- YOU WANT US TO GIVE IT TO HER
- FOR YOU?
- Wirt: UH, IT'S FOR A DIFFERENT
- SARA -- NOT THE ONE YOU'RE
- THINKING ABOUT.
- Greg: YEAH, WIRT'S TALKING ABOUT
- MASCOT SARA -- THE ONE HE'S BEEN
- LOOKING AT ALL NIGHT.
- Wirt: WHA?!
- Rhondi: [ Singsong voice ] OOH!
- Kathleen: [ LAUGHS ]
- Rhondi: WIRT'S GOT A CRUSH ON SARA.
- [ Normal voice ] WELL, YOU
- BETTER ACT FAST 'CAUSE WE HEARD
- JASON FUNDERBERKER IS GONNA ASK
- HER OUT AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY
- TONIGHT.
- Wirt: JASON FUNDERBERKER?
- Kathleen and Rhondi: YEAH.
- Rhondi: YEAH.
- Wirt: B-but I- I-B-but--
- Rhondi: YOU OKAY, WIRT?
- Wirt: YEAH, EVERYTHING'S --
- EVERYTHING'S JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- Both: WHAT?
- Wirt: UH, UH, JASON FUNDERBERKER,
- I-I GOT TO GO.
- Greg: BYE!
- [ ALTERNATIVE ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Wirt: IS THE DOVE NEVER TO MEET THE
- SEA FOR WANT OF THE ODIOUS
- MOUNTAIN?
- Greg: HEY. SO...FROG HUNT?
- Wirt: HUH?
- Greg: I KEEP HEARING RIBBITING
- AROUND TOWN, AND I THINK IT'S
- THE LAST FROG OF THE SEASON.
- Wirt: NO, I JUST WANT TO WALLOW IN
- MISERY.
- SARA AND JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- UGH.
- THAT GUY'S GOT HIS ACT TOGETHER.
- HE'S THE TOTAL PACKAGE.
- I CAN'T COMPETE.
- Greg: YOU'RE THE TOTAL PACKAGE,
- TOO, WIRT.
- I BET SHE'LL REALLY LIKE YOUR
- TAPE.
- Wirt: [ GASPS ]
- WE NEVER GOT THE TAPE BACK!
- I CAN'T LET HER HEAR THAT TAPE!
- Greg: WHY NOT?
- Wirt: THAT TAPE HAS GOT POETRY AND
- CLARINET ON IT, GREG.
- POETRY AND CLARINET!
- SARA AND JASON FUNDERBERKER ARE
- GONNA START DATING, AND THEN
- THEY'LL HEAR THAT TAPE, AND THEN
- THEY'LL JUST SIT AND LISTEN TO
- IT AND LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH
- AND LAUGH.
- Greg: WHY DON'T YOU ASK SARA OUT
- FIRST?
- THAT WAY --
- Wirt: NO, NO! UGH!
- WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE
- TAPE?
- MY LIFE IS CRUMBLING ALL AROUND
- ME!
- Greg: OKAY, I THINK WE SHOULD PUT
- OUR FROG HUNT ON HOLD AND GO GET
- THAT TAPE BACK.
- Wirt: GUYS, WHERE'S THE TAPE?
- Kathleen: WE PUT IT IN SARA'S JACKET
- FOR YOU.
- Wirt: AAH!
- Kathleen: YOU BETTER HURRY.
- SHE'S CHANGING IN THE TRACK
- SHACK.
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Wirt: SCUSE ME.
- Rhondi: OH, NO.
- Wirt: THE JACKET!
- [ PANTING ]
- Jimmy: HEY!
- ARE YOU TRYING TO SPY ON SARA?
- Wirt: UH...NO.
- RUN, GREG!
- Jimmy: HEY, SARA, BE CAREFUL, HUH?
- THERE'S SOME REAL CREEPS OUT
- THERE TONIGHT.
- Sara: THANKS, JIMMY.
- [ FILM NOIR MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Police Officer: HEY, YOU TWO ROBBERS, YOU'RE
- UNDER ARREST.
- NAH, I'M JUST KIDDING.
- HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
- HEY, STOP RUNNING IN THE
- STREETS! Just kidding, Happy Halloween.
- Wirt: THERE SHE GOES.
- LET'S GET HER.
- Greg (threateningly): Yeah, let's get her.
- Wirt: NO, W-WE'RE NOT GONNA GET HER
- LIKE THAT.
- Greg: WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- Wirt: WE'RE JUST GONNA GET THE TAPE
- BACK.
- Greg: OH, YEAH.
- LET'S GO IN AFTER HER.
- Wirt: [ SIGHS ] I CAN'T.
- [ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
- I WASN'T INVITED TO THIS PARTY.
- Greg: I'LL GO IN.
- Wirt: YOU WEREN'T INVITED EITHER.
- Greg: OH.
- High School Boy: YEAH, MAN, THERE'S LOTS OF
- BAT-AND-BALL GAMES BESIDES
- BASEBALL -- ONE OLD CAT, TWO OLD
- CAT, STOOLBALL, ROUNDBALL...
- [ MUSIC CONTINUES, INDISTINCT
- CHATTER as Greg waltzes in to the party. He talks to a couple of the high schoolers ]
- Wirt: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO THEM?
- [ Greg points to Wirt in the window and the partygoers look ]
- AAH!
- OH. HEY...GUYS.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE SAID, BUT
- I-IT WASN'T TRUE.
- Partygoer: OH, HEY, WIRT.
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- Partygoer: HI, WIRT.
- Wirt: OH. UH, YEAH.
- WELL, SEE YOU AROUND, GUYS.
- Sara: I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD AT
- BALLET, BUT MY MOM WANTED ME TO
- BE A WRESTLER.
- OH, WIRT. YOU'RE HERE.
- Wirt: WELL, I...
- Sara: I WAS JUST ASKING IF YOU WERE
- HERE.
- Wirt: OH, WOW.
- [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
- Sara: OH, HEY, WE'RE GONNA GO TO
- THE GRAVEYARD.
- Wirt: OH.
- ARE YOU GONNA...DO SOMETHING
- THERE?
- Sara: NAH, WE'RE JUST GONNA HANG
- OUT AND DRINK AGE-APPROPRIATE
- DRINKS.
- Wirt: LIKE JUICE?
- Sara: YEAH, WHATEVER.
- AGE-APPROPRIATE STUFF THAT'S NOT
- ILLEGAL.
- Hey, you should come.
- Wirt: UH, I DON'T --
- Jason Funderberker: [ Nasally ] HEY, SARA.
- ARE YOU READY TO GO?
- Wirt: HEY, JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- Jason F: OH, HEY, WIRT.
- LET'S GO, SARA.
- Sara: YOU COMING, WIRT?
- Wirt: NO, NO.
- YOU -- YOU GO HAVE FUN WITH
- JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- Sara: OKAY.
- [ Suggestively ] BUT IF YOU WANT
- TO STOP BYE LATER OR
- SOMETHING...
- Jason: MM. BYE, WIRT.
- Wirt: SAYONARA, JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- [ GASPS ]
- SARA'S JACKET!
- Sara: MY JACKET. THANKS, WIRT.
- WELL, SEE YA -- HOPEFULLY.
- Wirt: BYE.
- [ GROANS ]
- Sara: YOU'RE LIMITING THE UNIVERSE
- TO ONLY THINGS HUMANS COULD
- UNDERSTAND.
- Nerdy Girl: WELL, YOU'RE LIMITING THE
- UNIVERSE BY LIMITING THE
- POSSIBILITY OF HUMAN
- UNDERSTANDING.
- Sara: OH, YEAH. MAYBE.
- Jason: SARA.
- Sara: YEAH?
- Jason: DO YOU BELIEVE IN...GHOSTS?
- Sara: WHY?
- Jason: 'CAUSE THERE'S ONE RIGHT
- BEHIND YOU!
- AW, I'M JUST KIDDING.
- Sara: It's okay, Funderberker.
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Student: STOP! YOU HIT ME!
- Wirt: COME ON.
- [ MONSTROUS CROAK ]
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- WIRT, YOU TRICKED ME!
- I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS A FROG
- HUNT ALL ALONG.
- Wirt: IT NEVER WAS A --
- >> [ GASPS ]
- >> [ GASPS ]
- Greg: A WITCHES GATHERING!
- Jason: AND SO THEN...
- A GUY WITH AN AXE SHOWED UP!
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Wirt: UGH.
- EVERYBODY LOVES FUNDERBERKER.
- WHAT DO I DO?
- Greg: I'LL PRETEND TO BE A DEAD
- ELEPHANT AND DISTRACT THEM WHILE
- YOU GET THE TAPE.
- Greg: PLEASE JUST STAY HERE.
- Jason: AND SO SHE KEPT GETTING AND
- CLOSER...
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Student: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- Student: JASON.
- Student: OH, JASON.
- Wirt: [ GROWLS ]
- GO, GREG. DO IT.
- Greg: OKAY.
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Sara: UH...YOU CAN LET GO OF MY
- HAND NOW.
- Jason: OH...YEAH.
- Nerdy Girl: [ Nasally ] YOU COULD HOLD MY
- HAND, FUNDERBERKER.
- I DON'T CARE.
- Greg: [ HOWLING ]
- Nerdy Girl: HEY, ISN'T THAT WIRT'S LITTLE
- BROTHER?
- Greg: NOOOOO.
- I'M THE HEADLESS ELEPHANT.
- [ TRUMPETING ]
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Student: LITTLE GUY.
- Sara: IS WIRT HERE, TOO?
- Greg: OVER THERE!
- Wirt: [ GASPS ]
- Student: THERE HE IS.
- [ LAUGHTER ]
- Student: WIRT, WE CAN SEE YOU, MAN.
- Wirt: [ SIGHS ] GREG.
- Sara: WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER
- THERE?
- Wirt: OH. HEY, GUYS.
- GREG! THERE YOU ARE.
- TOTALLY WASN'T SPYING ON
- ANYBODY.
- I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR --
- [ SIREN WAILS ]
- Police Officer: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- Wirt: HUH?
- Police Officer: IS THIS SOME KIND OF
- WITCHES' GATHERING?
- YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
- Nerdy Girl: RUN!
- Police Officer: HEY, HEY! I WAS JUST KIDDING.
- [ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
- SLOW DOWN, KIDS.
- YOU'RE GONNA TRIP OR SOMETHING.
- Greg: RUN, RUN, RUN! RUN, RUN, RUN!
- Wirt: WHERE DO WE GO?
- Greg: THAT WAY!
- Wirt: GREG!
- WHY DID YOU SAY THIS WAY?
- Greg: I THOUGHT I HEARD A FROG.
- [ SIREN WAILS ]
- Both: [ GASPS ]
- Police Officer: THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY.
- Wirt: UH...
- Police Officer: HEY, DON'T CLIMB UP THERE.
- THAT'S DANGEROUS!
- GET DOWN HERE BEFORE YOU HURT
- YOURSELF!
- Jason: HUH?
- Sara: IT HAS MY NAME ON IT.
- Wirt: [ GASPS ]
- Jason: LET'S GO LISTEN TO IT.
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Wirt whispers in dread: Noooooooooooo!
- Police Officer: KIDS, REALLY, GET DOWN FROM
- THAT WALL.
- Wirt: THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE END.
- Police Officer: NO, DARN IT. NO.
- I MEAN COME DOWN THIS WAY.
- [ BOTH GRUNT as the climb over the wall of the cemetary]
- Wirt: [ GROANS ]
- ONCE AGAIN, YOU RUIN MY LIFE.
- [ MUSIC ENDS ]
- Greg: WHO? ME?
- Wirt: UGH! YOU AND YOUR STUPID DAD!
- YOU'RE ALWAYS PRODDING ME,
- TRYING TO GET ME TO JOIN
- MARCHING BAND.
- Greg: OH, YEAH!
- IF YOU JOIN THE MARCHING BAND,
- YOU COULD HANG OUT WITH SARA
- MORE!
- Wirt: THAT SHIP HAS SAILED, GREG,
- THANKS TO YOU MESSING THAT UP,
- TOO.
- [ MONSTROUS CROAK ]
- Greg: [ GASPS ]
- HOLD THAT THOUGHT, WIRT.
- MM.
- Wirt: WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?
- Greg: HA HA!
- WE FOUND OUR LUCKY FROG.
- WE GOT TO NAME HIM FOR GOOD
- LUCK.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Wirt: I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING
- TO DO WITH YOUR OR THAT FROG!
- Greg: OKAY, I'LL TRY TO THINK OF A
- NAME MYSELF.
- [ A TRAIN APPROACHES]
- Wirt: UGH. I'M LEAVING.
- Greg: HMM?
- Wirt: HUH?
- [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING ]
- Wirt: AAH!
- [ FOLK MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Singing: THERE'S AN OLD BLACK TRAIN
- A-COMIN'
- SCRAPING 'LONG THE IRON
- YOU DON'T NEED NO TICKET,
- BOY
- IT'LL TAKE YOU IN IT'S TIME
- [Wirt and Greg tumble down the hillside, barely avoiding the train, but fall into the creek at the bottom of the hill]
- >> [ HUMMING PLEASANTLY ]
- [ WIND RUSHING ]
- Wirt: HUH? WHERE...
- HUH?
- Beatrice's Mom: OH. YOU'RE AWAKE.
- HERE, EAT SOME DIRT.
- Wirt: [ SPITS ]
- UH, BEATRICE?
- Beatrice's Mom: YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER!
- [ GASPS ] WHERE IS SHE?
- Wirt: I DON'T KNOW.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Beatrice's Mom: SOMEBODY LEFT YOU AND THAT
- FROG ON THE DOORSTEP.
- Wirt: BEATRICE.
- BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER?
- Beatrice's Mom: NO, I'M SORRY.
- Wirt: UH, I GOTTA GO!
- Beatrice's Mom: YOU'RE IN NO SHAPE TO HEAD
- INTO THAT SNOWSTORM, YOUNG MAN.
- HERE, HERE, EAT MORE DIRT.
- Wirt: THANKS.
- COME ON, GUY.
- LET'S GO FIND GREG.
- Beatrice's mom: AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL THE STORM
- DIES DOWN A BIT.
- YOU'LL BE NO GOOD TO YOUR
- BROTHER DEAD.
- Wirt: I WAS NEVER ANY GOOD TO HIM
- ALIVE, EITHER.
- THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]
- Beatrice's Mom: IF YOU SEE BEATRICE AGAIN,
- GIVE HER A HUG FOR US.
- Wirt: YEAH.
- [Wirt heads off into the storm]
- [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO
- PLAYS ]
Chapter 10:The Unknown[]
- [ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ]
- Beatrice: [SIGHS] OH! HUH? GREG?
- The Beast: DID YOU FETCH FOR ME THE GOLDEN COMB?
- Greg: WILL THAT WORK?
- The Beast: THIS IS A HONEYCOMB.
- Greg: GOLDEN COMB OF HONEY. HEE-HEE-HEE HEE HEE.
- Beatrice: GREG! OH! [WHIMPERS] OH! GRE-E-G!
- Greg: HUH?
- The Beast: NEVER MIND THAT, GREGORY. YOU'VE BROUGHT ME THE FIRST TWO ITEMS -- A GOLDEN COMB AND A SPOOL OF SILVER THREAD.
- Greg: IT'S JUST SPIDER WEB ON A STICK.
- The Beast: NOW I WANT THE SUN.
- Greg: THE SUN?
- The Beast: HERE. LOWER THE SUN OUT OF THE SKY AND INTO THIS CHINA CUP.
- Greg: UH, WELL, THAT SOUNDS IMPOSSIBLE.
- The Beast: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU SET YOUR MIND TO IT, RIGHT? BUT HURRY, THE SUN WILL BE SETTING SOON, AND --
- Greg: HEY, YEAH, THAT'S IT. DUH DIH-DUNH DUNH-DUNH DIN-DUNH DUH DIN-DIN DUNH
- [ WIND WHISTLING ]
- Greg: SEE, THAT OLD SUN'S GOING RIGHT DOWN INTO THIS OLD CUP.
- The Beast: YOU HAVE FIGURED IT OUT, AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GIVE UP.
- Greg: GIVE UP? I'LL NEVER GIVE UP. [BREATHING HEAVILY] JUST GOT TO WAIT, JUST GOT TO WAIT.
- The Beast: YES, JUST SIT THERE IN THE COLD AND WAIT.
- [ WIND WHISTLING ]
- Wirt: HUH?
- Beatrice: AAAAH!
- Wirt: AAH!
- Beatrice: OHH.
- Wirt: WHAT THE...
- Beatrice: OHH. OHH.
- Wirt: BEATRICE?
- Beatrice: [GASPS] WIRT!
- Wirt: BEATRICE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?!
- Beatrice: I SAW GREG!
- Wirt: WHAT?!
- Beatrice: I SAW GREG. HE WAS W-WITH SOMEONE. THIS WAY! OR WAIT. UM...
- Wirt: BEATRICE, YOU SHOULD GO HOME.
- Beatrice: I CAN'T -- NOT YET. NOT UNTIL GREG IS SAFE.
- Wirt: OKAY.
- Beatrice: WE SHOULD HURRY. I -- I THINK IT WAS THAT WAY.
- Wirt: THANK YOU, BEATRICE.
- [ MUSIC BOX PLAYS SOFTLY ]
- Woodsman: [COUGHS] OHH. [SIGHS] [GASPS] HERE! EDELWOOD! YOU SEE? THIS WILL GIVE US SOME OIL, WON'T IT? YES, WE'LL KEEP THAT LIGHT OF YOURS SHINING, WON'T WE? COME ON. OHH! AW! YOU...
- The Beast: [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE ]
- Woodsman: [GASPS] OH! OH!
- The Beast: . ♪..DARKNESS
- THERE IS A LIGHT FOR THE LOST AND THE MEEK
- SORROW AND FEAR ARE EASILY FORGOTTEN
- WHEN YOU SUBMIT TO THE SOIL OF THE EARTH ♪
- WOODSMAN, I KNEW YOU WOULD COME. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
- Woodsman: [ GASPS ] OH! OH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
- The Beast: WHY, I'VE GIVEN YOU ANOTHER EDELWOOD.
- Woodsman: NO!!
- The Beast: HE WILL BURN NICELY IN THE LANTERN.
- Woodsman: NO! I WON'T DO THIS!
- The Beast: YOU'VE BEEN GRINDING UP LOST SOULS FOR YEARS.
- Woodsman: I DIDN'T KNOW! I DIDN'T KNOW THIS IS WHERE THE EDELWOOD TREES CAME FROM!
- The Beast: AND WOULD IT HAVE MATTERED? WOULD YOU HAVE JUST LET YOUR DAUGHTER'S SPIRIT BURN OUT FOREVER? FEED THE LANTERN.
- Woodsman: NO.
- The Beast: I SUPPOSE, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, YOU JUST DON'T CARE FOR HER ANYMORE.
- Woodsman: HOLD YOUR TONGUE, OR I'LL REMOVE IT FROM YOUR MOUTH! DO NOT SPEAK OF MY DAUGHTER. SHE WOULD NOT WISH THIS. LET'S GET YOU FREE.
- The Beast: AHH.
- Woodsman: NO. [GASPS]
- The Beast: I ONLY WISH TO HELP YOU, WOODSMAN. YOU NEED OIL, OR ELSE YOUR DAUGHTER WILL --
- Woodsman: I TOLD YOU TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE!
- The Beast: [LAUGHS]
- Woodsman: [ GRUNTS]
- [ WIND WHISTLING ]
- Wirt: GREG? GREG!
- Beatrice: I THOUGHT IT WAS THIS WAY.
- Wirt: A LIGHT.
- Beatrice: A LANTERN.
- Wirt: IT LOOKS LIKE THE WOODSMAN'S.
- Beatrice: WHOA. WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
- Wirt: [GASPS] GREG! GREG! ARE YOU...
- Greg: WIRT?
- Wirt: OH, GREG!
- Greg: WIRT, I DID IT. I BEAT THE BEAST. [COUGHS]
- Beatrice: AW, GEEZ, THE LEAVES ARE EVEN GROWING INSIDE OF HIM.
- Greg: NO. [SPITS] I WAS JUST EATING LEAVES. I'M SORRY, WIRT.
- Wirt: NO, NO, GREG. [SNIFFLES] IT'S MY FAULT WE ENDED UP HERE. EVERYTHING'S BEEN MY FAULT. I-I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE --
- Greg: NO, I MEAN MY ROCK FACTS ROCK.
- Beatrice: WHAT?
- Wirt: WHAT?
- Greg: I -- I STOLE IT, WIRT. I STOLE IT FROM MRS. DANIEL'S GARDEN. I'M A STEALER. AND THAT'S A ROCK FACT.
- Wirt: WHAT? NO, GREG, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
- Greg: IT DOES MATTER. [COUGHS] YOU HAVE TO RETURN IT FOR ME, OKAY?
- Wirt: NO, YOU CAN GIVE IT TO HER YOURSELF. COME ON, WE GOT TO GET JASON FUNDERBERKER HOME, RIGHT?
- Frog: [CROAKS]
- Greg: JASON FUNDERBERKER -- THE PERFECT...FROG NAME.
- Wirt: GREG? GREG?!
- Beatrice: LET'S GET HIM OUT OF THIS! COME ON!
- Wirt: YEAH. YEAH. [GRUNTS] COME ON!
- Beatrice: IT'S GONNA BE FINE, WIRT.
- Wirt: [ GRUNTS ]
- Woodsman: [ GRUNTS ]
- Wirt & Beatrice: [ GASPS ]
- The Beast: GIVE ME MY LANTERN.
- Wirt: YOUR LANTERN?
- Beatrice: NO WAY. WE NEED THIS THING.
- Wirt: YEAH, I'M KEEPING THIS. I HAVE TO GET GREG HOME.
- The Beast: YOUR BROTHER IS TOO WEAK TO GO HOME. HE WILL SOON BECOME PART OF MY FOREST.
- Wirt: I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!
- The Beast: WELL, THEN, PERHAPS WE BETTER MAKE A DEAL.
- Wirt: DEAL?
- Woodsman: OHH.
- The Beast: I CAN PUT HIS SPIRIT IN THE LANTERN. AS LONG AS THE FLAME STAYS LIT, HE WILL LIVE ON INSIDE. TAKE ON THE TASK OF LANTERN BEARER... OR WATCH YOUR BROTHER PERISH. COME HERE.
- Wirt: [SIGHS] OKAY.
- Beatrice: [GASPS] WIRT!
- Wirt: WAIT. THAT'S DUMB.
- The Beast: WHAT?
- Wirt: THAT'S DUMB. I'M NOT JUST GONNA JUST WANDER AROUND IN THE WOODS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
- The Beast: I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
- Wirt: YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO HELP ME. YOU JUST HAVE SOME WEIRD OBSESSION WITH KEEPING THIS LANTERN LIT. IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR SOUL IS IN THIS LANTERN.
- Woodsman: [GASPS]
- The Beast: [GROWLS] [Deep voice ] ARE YOU READY TO SEE TRUE DARKNESS?
- Wirt: [Voice cracking] ARE YOU? [CLEARS THROAT] [Normal voice] ARE YOU? [INHALES DEEPLY & BEGINS TO EXHALE ]
- The Beast: DON'T! DON'T!
- Wirt: [SCOFFS]
- Woodsman: [GASPS]
- Wirt: HERE, WOODSMAN. I'VE GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS TO TAKE CARE OF. THIS ONE'S YOURS.
- Woodsman: [SIGHS]
- Wirt: MY BROTHER AND I ARE GOING HOME.
- Woodsman: SHE WAS NEVER IN THE LANTERN, WAS SHE, BEAST?
- The Beast: LISTEN, WOODSMAN. LISTEN TO ME.
- Wirt: [ GRUNTS & SIGHS ]
- Beatrice: WIRT...
- Wirt: COME WITH US.
- Beatrice: I -- I GOT TO GO HOME, TOO, ADMIT TO MY FAMILY IT'S MY FAULT THEY'RE BLUEBIRDS.
- Wirt: [CLEARS THROAT]
- Beatrice: WHAT?!
- Wirt: THE SCISSORS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR FAMILY HUMAN AGAIN.
- Beatrice: YOU HAD THEM ALL ALONG!?
- Wirt: I-I USED THEM TO ESCAPE ADELAIDE, AND THEN -- THEN... YEAH, I-I WAS SORT OF MAD AT YOU.
- Beatrice: OH, YOU...WONDERFUL MISTAKE OF NATURE!
- The Beast: YOU SEE, WOODSMAN? ALL WHO PERISH HERE WILL BECOME TREES FOR THE LANTERN. CUT THEM DOWN WITH YOUR AX. GO! NOW!
- Woodsman: NO!
- The Beast: [GROWLS] STOP! YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN, WOODSMAN. ARE YOU REALLY READY TO GO BACK TO THAT EMPTY HOUSE? NO! WOODSMAN!
- Woodsman: [BLOWS SHARPLY]
- The Beast: [ GROWLS ]
- Wirt: GOODBYE, BEATRICE.
- Beatrice: GOODBYE, WIRT.
- [The song "One Is a Bird" plays as Wirt wakes up, swimming out of the water with Greg]
- Wirt: (Weakly) HELP. [SIGHS]
- >> [ GASPS ]
- >> WIRT!
- >> FOUR ARE THE STARS
- [ SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE ]
- FIVE WITH THE MOON
- Sara: WIRT? Wirt? YOU OK? CAN YOU SEE ME, WIRT?
- Wirt: HMM. WHERE AM I?
- Sara: THE HOSPITAL.
- Wirt: HOSP...ITAL? GREG! WHERE'S GREG?!
- Greg: AND THEN... [GASPS] WIRT! I WAS TELLING THEM ABOUT THE TIME WE ALMOST GOT --
- Frog: [CROAKS]
- Greg: [LAUGHS] YEAH, AND YOU WERE THERE, TOO, JASON FUNDERBERKER.
- Jason Funderberker: ME?
- Greg: NOT YOU. JASON FUNDERBERKER, MY FROG.
- Frog: [ CROAKS ]
- Wirt: OUR FROG.
- Greg: OUR FROG
- Jason Funderberker: OUR FROG?
- Greg: NO, NOT YOUR FROG.
- Sara: HEY, SO... UH... ABOUT THIS...
- Wirt: UMM...
- Sara: YEAH, SO, I DON'T HAVE A TAPE PLAYER, SO...
- Wirt: UH, YEAH.
- Sara: SO MAYBE WE CAN LISTEN TO THIS...
- Wirt: YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT AT MY HOUSE. YES. MAYBE -- MAYBE WE SHOULD LISTEN TO SOME OTHER TAPES FIRST, THOUGH, AND SORT OF WORK OUR WAY TO THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS A LITTLE BIT... UH, YEAH, I MEAN, Y-YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT...
- Narrator: AND SO THE STORY IS COMPLETE, AND EVERYONE IS SATISFIED WITH THE ENDING. AND SO ON AND SO FORTH, AND YET, OVER THE GARDEN WALL...
- Frog: HOW THE GENTLE WIND
- BECKONS THROUGH THE LEAVES
- [Door opens]
- The Woodsman's Daughter: FATHER?
- Frog: AS AUTUMN COLOURS FALL
- DANCING IN A SWIRL OF GOLDEN MEMORIES
- THE LOVELIEST LIES OF ALL
- [Whistling]
- [Horse whinnies]
- Beatrice's Mother: HONEY? EAT YOUR DIRT.
- Beatrice: MOM, STOP CALLING IT DIRT.
- Beatrice's Mother: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, TURN US INTO BLUEBIRDS AGAIN?
- [Laughter]
- Beatrice: MOM...
- [Laughter]
- Beatrice's Mother: NOW, EAT YOUR DIRT.
- Frog: THE LOVELIEST LIES OF ALL